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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251744">The Possibility of Being</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium/pseuds/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium'>Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I'm Bad At Tagging, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Romance, Talking, The Force Ships It, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:15:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium/pseuds/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon-divergent from close to the end of TFA.</p><p>What if Kylo Ren had made it back to the interrogation room before Rey escaped? </p><p>And what if he decided not to take her to Snoke?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>229</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>Kylo Ren’s heavy footfalls echoed across the sterile, metallic corridors of Starkiller Base. The Supreme Leader’s command repeated in his head with every step.</p><p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>Snoke ordered that the scavenger girl be moved to his flagship, the <em>Supremacy</em>. Ren knew better than anyone the horrors awaiting her there. But what was that to him?</p><p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>His mind raced from his earlier encounter with the girl. Somehow, she had fought back against his probe of her memories. She pushed past his own mental defenses and saw his most closely guarded fears. She is strong with the Force, he told Snoke truthfully. Untrained but stronger than she knows.</p><p>For an instant, Ren wondered if the Supreme Leader, in his infinite generosity, might permit him to deal with the girl. To claim her for the Dark Side. He crushed the thought as soon as it materialized. He had spent years learning not to exist, not to need anything. Desire was a weapon Snoke would use against him. If he wanted something, that was the easiest way to ensure he never got it. Pain was instructive.</p><p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>Ren rounded the final corner, approaching the interrogation room. He felt wary and uncentered. The scavenger’s voice carried, quiet but sharp, out the door. She was trying to compel a trooper to release her. Foolish girl. She didn’t even understand her own talents, but she had enough fight left in her to attempt an escape from a First Order facility entirely alone. He thought inexplicably of his…of Han Solo. Anger returned more easily then.</p><p>He entered the room, clearing the trooper’s clouded mind with a wave of his hand and barking at the confused man to get out. He stood apart from the girl, gratified that he had put his helmet back on. She stared defiantly but her hands shook slightly against the restraints. He could feel the tremulous ribbon of fear spiraling around her, hard as she fought to conceal it from him.</p><p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>The girl said nothing. He knew she was trying to prepare herself for another invasion of her mind, or worse. Concealed by the mask, he was free to study her face. Loose strands of hair, damp with sweat, curled around her ears and stuck to her cheeks. A band of freckles was scattered across her nose, evidence of a life spent in the searing sun of the Jakku desert. The longer he stood in silence, the more difficult it was for her to contain her anxiety. Her breath was coming in short, noisy bursts. Her pulse kept an irregular beat in her neck. She was so young.</p><p>Kylo Ren had always been an impulsive man, more given to rash action than consideration. Leader Snoke had plenty of generals for strategy; Ren’s role was to be the cudgel he struck against his enemies, driven by rage and hatred. And in the darkest fissures of his mind, the ones he kept deeply hidden from his wise and generous mentor, the young man understood that Snoke intentionally kept him unbalanced. So he couldn’t rebel. So he would make mistakes that earned him well-deserved punishments. Correction was a gift the Supreme Leader always condescended to bestow.</p><p>And this was certainly the most colossal mistake he was ever going to make. Because he knew in that moment that he was not going to take this girl to the <em>Supremacy</em>. He could not have explained precisely why. The idea of handing her over to Snoke, of watching him torture her, bloody that freckled skin…bile rose in his throat imagining it. There was something about this girl, something he needed to understand.</p><p>
  <em>Bring her to me.</em>
</p><p>For the first time, Kylo Ren would not obey.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where are we going?” the girl demanded, not for the first time. Ren hadn’t answered her then and he had no intention of doing so now.</p>
<p>They were moving swiftly down a crowded corridor, the troopers and officers parting so smoothly before them that Ren barely noticed. He grasped the scavenger’s elbow tightly enough to prevent her escape, but not to inflict pain.</p>
<p>“You’ve given up talking entirely, then? I’m not complaining, mind you. I would just like to know where you’re taking me.” Her bravado was shot through with eddies of terror.</p>
<p>Ren could feel the presence of every single living being on Starkiller Base. If he chose to open himself up to the Force entirely, he would hear a cacophony of souls singing their mundane pleasures and sorrows. It overwhelmed his senses, so he had learned to hone his attention, to muffle the constant din into a dull background hum. But this girl, so slight beside him, resonated as loudly as anything he had ever experienced. It was distracting, and he needed to focus if they were both going to survive the day.</p>
<p>He was trying to work through the details of a plan while guiding her to the nearest docking bay. The helmet concealed his face from the crowd, but he knew the girl might detect any hint of agitation in his demeanor, perhaps without even realizing she was doing it. If she tried to run now it could ruin everything.</p>
<p>The internal com in his helmet activated. “Lord Ren?”</p>
<p>“What is it?” he responded, startling the girl, who could not hear the other end of the communication.</p>
<p>“Sir, you asked to be apprised immediately of any further developments with the stolen Corellian YT light freighter? A vessel matching its description has somehow made planetfall and is currently on the overlook due west of the main shield generator station. Two squadrons have already been dispatched to investigate and report back.”</p>
<p><em>Dammit.</em> He knew Han Solo had somehow gotten mixed up with the droid and the girl and the traitorous defector, FN2187. That dunghill of a ship Solo called home had been spotted on Takodana by First Order reconnaissance. The lunatic must be planning some kind of suicide rescue mission. <em>Typical.</em></p>
<p>“Keep me informed,” Ren said shortly, readjusting his grip on the scavenger’s elbow and making even more quickly for the hangar entryway. The girl was having trouble matching his long strides and asked indignantly, “What was that about? And where are we going?”</p>
<p>By the time they entered the bay she was nearly running to keep up with him. He scanned the available vessels. There were no good options. All were obviously military models and only a few had long-range hyperdrive capabilities. Standard protocol meant that each had a tracker installed, though he did not anticipate much trouble in finding and disabling that.</p>
<p>“Lord Ren,” the officer on duty called, approaching fast. He was apologetic. “Sir, we were not informed of your departure plans. However, your command shuttle is on standby, as always.”</p>
<p>“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be taking that small supply freighter. I’m leaving immediately.” Ren never broke stride as he spoke, hoping to head off too many questions. The girl stayed silent, carefully observing the exchange and looking at him with a barely concealed curiosity that made him uneasy. She saw more than he wanted her to.</p>
<p>“The…the freighter? Are you certain, sir? Pardon me for saying, but this is rather irregular…”</p>
<p>Ren stopped so abruptly the other man almost ran into him. He was a full head taller, and the flowing black cape and unreadable mask he wore provoked exactly the amount of menace he intended as he slowly turned. In fact, he was thinking fast, trying to decide in an instant whether to bluff his way past the officer with an aggressive lie or simply erase the man’s memory of the conversation altogether. Taking the ship without proper clearance would raise alarms a great deal faster than he wanted. Erasing the man’s memory in front of the girl would cause him problems with her, but he could deal with those later, once they were safe.</p>
<p>“What is your name, captain?” he demanded, his voice terrifying in its silky calm. The smaller man blanched and snapped to attention.</p>
<p>“Sir, it’s li-Hjop. Erex li-Hjop. Of Tiilk, sir.”</p>
<p>“Well, Captain Erex li-Hjop—of Tiilk—I don’t recall asking for your opinion <em>or</em> your biography. I am operating under direct orders from Supreme Leader Snoke. I suggest that you take every necessary step to expedite my departure from this base, or answer for my tardiness to him.” Ren loomed over the man, who seemed to diminish even as he fought the urge to back away.</p>
<p>Ren’s imposing physical presence was usually enough to overcome bureaucratic impediments, but <em>Force</em>, this captain was obstinate. He may have been afraid for his rank and even his safety, but First Order indoctrination on proper procedures was not so easily overcome. Ren felt the man gathering the strands of his courage around himself like a threadbare blanket. The flesh above his collar flushed dull red even as he opened his mouth to protest again.</p>
<p>There was nothing for it. Ren was going to have to wipe his memory. He was losing precious time indulging this stubborn underling. More importantly, he could think of no valid reason why he should need to take a battered supply freighter to rendezvous with the <em>Supremacy</em>, rather than his own imposing command shuttle, standing at the ready just beyond.</p>
<p>The infernal idiot was still talking.  “…So it is only partially unloaded, you see, sir? But if you are able to delay momentarily, I can re-assign another ground crew to…”</p>
<p>“That will <em>not</em> be necessary,” he snapped. The girl was taking the opportunity to assess her surroundings. She was going to try and make a run for it, he could feel her intentions forming. Events were slipping out of his control and it was time for action. Now or never. <em>Help</em>, he thought, a flash of the old weakness. But there was no help for him. There never had been. He lived or died by his own deeds.</p>
<p>“Listen to me carefully, captain,” he said, not knowing at the beginning of the sentence where he would land by the end of it. Neither did Erex li-Hjop, proud son of Tiilk, ever learn what Kylo Ren meant to tell him.</p>
<p>Because that was when the explosions began.</p>
<p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p>
<p>If it hadn’t been for the girl, and that moronic captain, he would have anticipated the arrival of the Resistance fleet from hyperspace.</p>
<p>Ren was furious at himself as he dragged the scavenger across the remaining distance to the freighter. What else could go wrong? It was like the universe had conspired to throw every possible obstacle in his way in the—was it even ten minutes?—since he formed this mad plan. All he needed now was to open the freighter hatch and find General Hux conducting a snap inspection inside.</p>
<p>The hangar was controlled chaos. Sirens blared, warning lights flashed, personnel ran in every direction. There were no fighters docked in this particular bay. It was littered with shuttles, small supply and troop transports, a few ground speeders, and the damnable command shuttle that just caused him so much trouble. But all First Order technicians were racing to battle stations and Ren’s com blared so many shouted orders and garbled demands for information that he finally switched it off in frustration.</p>
<p>Somehow the Resistance had breached the shields. And that “somehow” was obviously Han Solo and whatever rebel scum he had smuggled planetside in his floating garbage pile. The question now was whether this attack was just a diversion to cover a rescue attempt—improbable for a single Jakku desert rat—or something larger and more dangerous. As if answering his thoughts, an enormous detonation erupted just outside the hangar doors, still open to the outside air. The blast sent shock waves of movement through the floor, and the smell of smoke and scorched earth filled the room.</p>
<p>Ren felt a surge of energy from the girl just as the initial impact occurred. She must be very cool under pressure to keep scheming in the midst of so much danger. He turned as she twisted, pulling hard and fast to yank her elbow from his grasp. Perhaps she thought his attention was elsewhere, or that if she managed an initial escape, he would find it too much effort to chase her through the pandemonium. She obviously had no experience dealing with a Force user. Particularly this one.</p>
<p>The scavenger was still shackled at the wrists and it was an easy job to hook her around the waist as she tried to bolt. She fought like an Akk dog, kicking and clawing uselessly at his gloved hands. She was unexpectedly strong, but she was no match for Ren even without his enhanced faculties. He hauled her back hard against his chest, pinning her still as her feet left the floor. Hot fury blasted off her. Ren leaned in close and asked quietly through the commotion, “Do you prefer to make this journey unconscious, as well? I can carry you again, if you like.” She shivered violently as the cold metal of the mask slid across her skin. Her Force signature stuttered and sparked, and the young man felt something strange, a kind of answering response deep inside himself. He dropped the girl as suddenly as if she had burned him. She must have felt it, too. Instead of running, she stared back at him, bewildered.</p>
<p>There was no time to think about it. Another bombardment found its target, this time the building. The lights flickered and the ground shook so violently that the girl pitched forward into his side. If they didn’t go now, they were lost. Ren grabbed her arm and ran flat out for the freighter. He reached out, opening the hatch with the Force so they could board without slowing.</p>
<p>Mercifully, Hux was not inside. Ren flung the girl into a seat near the cockpit, securing her cuffs to a nearby support bar. He paid no attention to the stacks of crates filling much of the hold. He pulled off his helmet, tossing it impatiently into the co-pilot’s seat as he prepared the ship for takeoff. Explosions were happening one after another now, and a wall on the far side of the hangar burst into flames then fell away, revealing the view beyond. The monstrous weapon was charging in the distance, leeching away the very sun from the sky.</p>
<p>In his fixation on the scavenger, he had forgotten. Hux was not here spot-inspecting ships because he was a madman preparing to vaporize another planet, as casually as a child might stomp on an insect. The target this time was the Ileenium system, some planet the Resistance was using as a base; perhaps Hux intended to obliterate them all, just to be safe. The rebels somehow knew what he was planning, because they had come here to stop it. The only way they could do that would be to disable the weapon, and Ren was fairly certain that meant taking out this entire planet. The First Order might stupidly assume their “starkiller” was impenetrable, but hadn’t he grown up surrounded by people who destroyed not one, but two such behemoths? There was always a crack in a wall, no matter its height or breadth. They had to get out of here <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>The engines roared to life. Ren had the presence of mind to check that the freighter was fully fueled, then eased it up off the landing pad. He opened himself to the Force, sensing the vibrations of the ship, the girl so close by, the people in the hangar all around. He pushed outward, testing for a clear path, a way through the fiery debris and cannon blasts and fighter squads careening past.</p>
<p>The girl was watching him intently; he guessed their proximity had somehow accelerated the manifestation of her own abilities. He could almost feel that strange resonance they both experienced a moment ago, slipping along the edges of his consciousness. It was like a song you once heard, but you couldn’t quite catch the tune in your memory.</p>
<p>Ren found the opening he was looking for, and piloted the freighter straight out and away from the base. The battle was quickly behind them. He was counting on Hux and his minions being too distracted by the weapon and the ongoing assault to notice a solitary First Order vessel fleeing the scene. Perhaps the timing could actually work to his advantage. If the Resistance did manage to destroy Starkiller Base, he and the girl would be just two more casualties of war. No one would know otherwise.</p>
<p>Except Snoke.</p>
<p>Snoke would know that Ren survived. He had invaded the younger man’s head and haunted his dreams for as long as Kylo could remember. There was no escaping from him and his awesome, terrible power. Ever.</p>
<p>The enormity of what he was doing crashed over him. He felt slightly sick. His impulsive decision meant death for both of them. There was no explaining away the fact that he was stealing the girl from Snoke, and in a very real sense, stealing himself. It had been so long since he had been allowed to hope for anything. But seeing the girl amidst the trees of Takodana, he had hoped. He wasn’t even sure <em>what</em> he had hoped. It just happened. The thing inside of him that he could never seem to crush, the pull to the Light that wouldn’t die no matter how brutally he tried to snuff it out, it had recognized the Light inside the girl and it had screamed in agony and joy.</p>
<p>Adrenaline was pulsing through him. He had to think clearly. One false move and all of this was for nothing. He set a course for the nearest jump point and prayed that no fighters were following; the freighter had minimal shields and no defensive weapons. There was one more thing he had to do, and quickly. Ren calmed his breathing and reached out with the Force to explore the structure of the vessel around him. He found what he was looking for straight away. A tracker was installed behind one of the panels in the cockpit, and he destroyed it. A feeling that he should look more closely came over him, and he mentally pushed out again. After a few moments, he perceived a second tracker, hidden more carefully than the first, in the rear of the ship. That seemed to be the final one. The First Order may not trust their own personnel, but they were too tightfisted to pay for multiple redundancies on expendable supply runners.</p>
<p>He left the pilot’s chair to dismantle the second tracker. The scavenger had been sitting as far forward on her seat as she could, monitoring their escape. But she curled back as he passed, watching him with guarded eyes. He felt her hostility as plainly as if he had walked under a vent of freezing air. And he felt the exposure of his face keenly.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?” she demanded furiously.</p>
<p>He hadn’t expected her to speak so soon. To buy time, he concentrated on pulling apart the cabin wall concealing the second tracker. He made short work of it with his lightsaber, and looked on in satisfaction as the twisted metal smoked and melted onto the floor of the hold.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he finally asked, extinguishing the saber and keeping his expression carefully blank.</p>
<p>“Are you joking? You grab me from my prison cell, run me to a hangar as if you expect to be chased, lie your face off to get a janky old tub like this—all the while your fancy ship is sitting there waiting on you—and now I’ve just watched you stab a tracking beacon to death. What are you playing at?” The girl was too clever for his good.</p>
<p>This was a fork in the road, a decision that had the power to protect or doom his attempt to save her. If he was honest with the girl from the start, it might earn him some measure of trust and put them on a better footing for what was surely coming. He blew out a slow breath. He would tell her as much as he could. She might eventually become a sort of ally, or at least stop hating him quite so intensely. There was one thing he needed to know first.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” he asked softly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She refused to give him her name.</p><p>It wasn’t surprising. True names are formidable things. The oldest myths of many beings center on concealing a name, or discovering a name to magically bind its owner. He had read such stories in his childhood, passing lonely hours waiting for parents who never came home. The Supreme Leader was wise; he, better than anyone, understood the power of a name. You are Kylo Ren now, he decreed. Ben Solo is dead. Speaking his old name was a criminal offense. Even thinking it felt like an act of defiance, however futile.</p><p>He wouldn’t take the girl’s name from her mind, the smallest gesture of good faith.</p><p>“As you like,” he said mildly, intending to return to the flight controls.</p><p>“Wait! You haven’t answered any of my questions.”</p><p>“I wasn’t aware I was required to.”</p><p>She snorted in frustration. “Will you at least let me loose from this chair?” With her manacles fastened to the pole, she was contorted into an uncomfortable position. Ren flicked two fingers and the catch released with a loud snap. She stood and offered her bound wrists with a cocked eyebrow, challenging him to free her entirely.</p><p>“Those will remain on. For now.”</p><p>“You never said where we were going.”</p><p>“No, I didn’t.”</p><p>“Afraid I’ll overpower you and send for help?”</p><p><em>Stars</em>, she was bold.</p><p>“Who would come for you, little scavenger?” he asked softly, but somehow that made it sound harsher.</p><p>The girl looked like she’d been slapped. “You’re cruel.”</p><p>“That wasn’t my intention.”</p><p>“What <em>is</em> your intention?” she demanded.</p><p>There was no sense in delaying. They would be landing soon enough and then she would know. He looked at her steadily. “I’m saving your life.”</p><p>For a moment, she was startled into silence by his response. Then she laughed in disbelief. “What does that mean? Are you letting me go? Are we headed for the nearest Resistance base? Let me guess, you’re a spy?”</p><p>“I want nothing to do with the Resistance. I was commanded by Supreme Leader Snoke to bring you to his flagship.” He paused. “I chose not to comply.”</p><p>The girl looked baffled. “The head of the First Order wants to see me? Why? I’m nobody.”</p><p>“How did you know I was lying?”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You just accused me of lying to secure this ship. How did you know I was lying?”</p><p>“I…” she struggled to explain. “You just…were. It was obvious.”<br/><br/>“It wasn’t obvious to anyone but you. How did you know?”</p><p>She shook her head angrily. “I don’t know! I’ve always been good at telling when people are lying.”</p><p>“I’m sure you have been. And I’m sure you’re good at many other things, too. Scavenging old wrecks is highly dangerous work, particularly for a child. I’m guessing you were good at not getting hurt. Perhaps you had a fall that should’ve killed you, but didn’t. Or maybe you had a reputation for finding the best salvage, because you somehow always knew where to look for the parts you needed most. Can you fix things no one else can, feel your way through even when you can’t see?”</p><p>Her eyes were wide. “Easy to seem clever when you’ve rooted through someone’s head to learn everything about them.”</p><p>“I didn’t get any of that from the memories I saw. It’s a logical set of conclusions to draw based on the facts at hand.”</p><p>“Which are what?” she snarled.</p><p>“You’re a Force wielder. Or you will be, with proper instruction.”</p><p>The girl backed away from him, slowly shaking her head. “You’re mad.”</p><p>“No. I sensed something on Takodana. You confirmed it by blocking my attempts to get the map.” He looked away. “You pushed past my barriers. How did you know how to do that? It takes years of practice.”</p><p>She sat down heavily. Her distress was evident. “I don’t know. I didn’t understand what was happening. It was like you were everywhere in my thoughts and I just wanted it to stop. I can’t explain it. You opened the door. I…just walked through it.” She glanced down at the manacles resting in her lap, and seemed to remember where she was. “Why am I even talking to you? You kidnapped me. You picked through my brain without my permission. You’re the scavenger!” The jets of rage around her were so pronounced he was reminded of solar flares.</p><p>“The fact remains that you are strong in the Force. <em>Very</em> strong, for someone with absolutely no training. You need a teacher.” <em>I could teach you.</em></p><p>She looked at him sharply; he wondered if she heard the thought.</p><p>“This Snoke…is he like you?”</p><p>“You mean is he a Force user? Yes.”</p><p>“That’s why he wanted you to bring me to him? To add to his collection?” Her voice dripped contempt.</p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p>“But you—what was it you said?—you <em>chose not to comply</em>. Why?”</p><p>It wouldn’t be much longer until they dropped out of hyperspace. How much should he tell her?</p><p>“What he had planned for you, it isn’t a pleasant process.”</p><p>“You know from experience?”</p><p>The grip of his saber bit into his gloved hand. He hadn’t realized how firmly he was holding it. He swallowed hard against the tightness in his throat. “Yes.”</p><p>Ren sensed something from the girl he couldn’t quite name. Anger, fear, tension—these were all churning inside her. But now there was a faint note of something else, something…softer.</p><p>She asked quietly, “Was it against your will?”</p><p>He considered the question. Best to be brief. He knew what she was asking and why. “I was there by my own choice.”</p><p>The wisp of softness was snuffed out as suddenly as it had blossomed.</p><p>“So you let him torture you, but you didn’t want him to torture me, a complete stranger?”</p><p>She wasn’t a stranger. Something deep inside of him had recognized something inside this girl. He couldn’t begin to explain it. So he stood without answering, trying to keep his face impassive. Why did he ever take the kriffing helmet off?</p><p>“What will he do? When he finds out you aren’t bringing me to him?” she asked.</p><p>Ren stared at her. The answer was obvious, wasn’t it?</p><p>“He’ll kill me,” he answered.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>As they broke through the cloud cover, the girl gasped. A boundless expanse of stormy grey ocean lay below them.</p><p>He had politely invited her to take a seat in the co-pilot’s chair as they made planetfall, but she hung back, leaning in the doorway. She obviously didn’t want to be any closer to him than she had to be. Or maybe she was hoping for a chance to knock him unconscious. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if she tried.</p><p>They flew for some time. Ren had a general sense of where they were going, but it was many years since he was here last. Even then he was just a child, hardly paying attention to things like location coordinates. He shoved a bubbling of memories down before they could disrupt his focus.</p><p>The girl was agitated. She had been since she saw the water.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” he asked. “Afraid I’ll expect you to swim?”</p><p>She ignored the taunt. “Are you lost? Because it seems like you are.”</p><p>Fortunately for him, at that moment he spotted the landmark he was searching for on the western horizon. He adjusted their course and replied, “We’ll be landing soon.”</p><p>As they approached, the nondescript feature in the distance grew sharper and more distinctive. It was a natural rock tower rising up from the sea. Its base formed a very small island, teeming with wildlife. The tower itself looked solid from far away, but close up it was porous and marked by jutting crags. Thousands of birds swooped and dived from its edges.</p><p>He felt a blast of recognition that wasn’t his own. “You know this place,” he said in amazement, turning back to gauge her reaction. “How?”</p><p>“You know how,” she retorted sharply. “You saw. In my head.” Her face was flushed and she looked…embarrassed?</p><p>Of course. Why hadn’t he realized it immediately when he saw her memories? She had dreamed about this place. Dreamed of this ocean while she slept on filthy, bone-dry Jakku.</p><p>A sense of acceptance settled over him as he realized what that meant. He had done what he was destined to do. The Force willed it. <em>I was meant to find her. And she knows it, too.</em></p><p>He couldn’t stop staring.</p><p>“Are we ever going to land, or just circle ‘til we crash?” she yelled.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>It took a skilled pilot to bring a ship down safely on the island. The air was turbulent, the waves high. The airspace around the tower was crowded with constantly shifting flocks of wildlife. They didn’t seem disturbed by the presence of the newcomers. And there was no place flat enough to land, except for a cavern under the tower, accessible only by a narrow opening in the rock. Ren had to drop the freighter straight down, almost into the sea, to put it on dry ground. There was no margin for error.</p><p>“I see why you didn’t want the big, fancy shuttle,” the girl observed dryly.</p><p>Inside, the hollow was dark, its walls running with spray driven by the punishing winds. Neither Ren nor the girl moved as the engines powered down. Something had shifted between them.</p><p>“Aeos,” he said. His voice sounded too loud in the silence of the cockpit.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We’re on Aeos Prime, in the Aeos system. You wanted to know where we were.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard of Aeos.”</p><p>“It’s in the Outer Rim, almost as far as Wild Space.”</p><p>She finally sat down. How tired she looked. “And how do you know about this place?”</p><p>Ren considered the best way to answer. “The old Rebel Alliance used to have a base here. After that, smugglers sometimes used this planet as a hide out.” One smuggler, at least.</p><p>“Is it inhabited?” she asked.</p><p>“There’s a small indigenous population, but they prefer the warmer oceans in the southern hemisphere. They survive by fishing around the reefs there.” A howling gust hurtled through the cave. The freighter rocked slightly in its wake. “It’s the end of the winter season on this half of the planet. Within the next few weeks, it should start to get warmer. The vegetation on the island will come back. The sea will be less violent.”</p><p>“You’ve been here before.”</p><p>“Yes,” he said shortly, standing to end the discussion. He leaned down and the girl shrank back immediately, throwing up her still-secured hands for protection. He stopped at once, tentatively reaching out to her mind. <em>I won’t hurt you. You have my promise.</em> Her eyes flashed with understanding. She was adapting so quickly. The girl relaxed, lowering her arms. Ren reached out again to touch the binders, and they dropped away. She rubbed each wrist slowly in turn, watching him closely the entire time.</p><p>The young man walked to the back of the ship to assess their available resources. The piles of crates could contain any number of things, many of them likely useless in this situation. But he found he was too exhausted to start an inventory.</p><p>“It’ll be nightfall soon,” he called back to the cockpit. “We should rest and start fresh tomorrow.”</p><p>There were no beds or even cushions on the freighter. They would have to sleep on the floor. Ren was certain they had both slept in worse conditions. He shifted several of the crates to create two clear spaces, on separate sides of the hold. The girl deserved a bit of privacy. She had followed him, curious to see what he was doing. Ren unwrapped the long panel of thick black fabric that made up his cowl. He offered it to her wordlessly.</p><p>The girl accepted the fabric, but was clearly unsettled by the gesture. She headed for the space on the opposite wall. Three steps past him she stopped. She was clutching the makeshift blanket with both hands.</p><p>“Rey,” she whispered, not turning back. “My name is Rey.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ren did not sleep that night.</p><p>In truth, he never slept long or well. He had been plagued by nightmares since childhood—vivid, petrifying ordeals that left him shaking and sweating in the dark. His parents tried for years to cure him of nocturnal terrors, but eventually they gave up. Just as they gave up on him, when they sent him away forever at barely ten years old.</p><p>He shoved the familiar bitterness down. It wasn’t useful now. It got in the way of meditation, which was how he passed endless hours when rest would not come. To center himself, he reached out to check on the girl. Rey. Her name was Rey. She had told him so, of her own free will.</p><p>He found her where he expected. She was still curled up on the floor of the freighter. Her presence in the Force was subdued, but still the most arresting one on the island. Before leaving, he had chanced a look over the crates to see her wrapped in his cowl, back securely against the wall and hands tucked protectively under her chin.</p><p>“Rey,” he had said softly, testing the shape and feel of it in his mouth.</p><p>He didn’t regret what he had done. She was safe here. He would help her learn to use the Force and do whatever was necessary to protect her from Snoke, at least until she had a prayer of defending herself. Considering the raw potential she had shown so far, he could only imagine what she might be capable of with time to train and develop her gifts. What they might be capable of together.</p><p>No, it did no good to think on that. Wishing was for children and fools. His entire life had been a string of abandonments and betrayals, of people he cared about not caring back. His parents sent him away. Luke Skywalker—the name alone choked him with loathing—tried to murder him in his sleep. The other students at the temple turned against him, believing him a monster. Hoping that Rey might ever look at him with anything other than contempt was only setting himself up for another disappointment. He had always been sentimental by nature. It was his greatest weakness. Hadn’t Snoke told him so, and punished him for it countless times?</p><p>Rey was awake. He knew instantly. Her energy was suddenly radiant, a sun breaking over a horizon. Hours of sleep had clearly done her good.</p><p>She soon appeared, climbing toward the outcropping where he was failing miserably at meditation. It was cold and rain lashed the stone pillar in sheets, but an overhang was keeping Ren mostly dry. Rey was still bundled in the cowl; it covered most of her body like a heavy cloak. When she reached him, she began to unwind the black fabric. He knew she meant to return it to him.</p><p>“Keep it,” he said, a brusquer greeting than he intended. “You’ll freeze without it.” He only thought for an instant of how warm the cloth must be, resting against her shoulders.</p><p>Rey had the same look of wariness and confusion she had worn last night. She gave a single nod of acknowledgement then stepped to the far edge of the rock. Water was pouring off the ledge above them, forming a steady flow that plunged back into the sea. Ren watched as the girl carefully extended her fingers into the frigid stream, then yanked them back, gasping in shock. She reached out again beyond the ledge, letting raindrops gather on her upturned palm. The tiniest of smiles formed on her lips. It transformed her entire face. <em>Stars, she’s beautiful.</em></p><p>“You’ve never seen rain,” he observed. Her smile vanished as he spoke. He wished he hadn’t.</p><p>“I <em>am</em> from a desert planet,” she replied stiffly.</p><p>“Did you sleep well?” He sounded horribly formal. He had no idea how to converse with her more easily. Ren couldn’t remember the last time he had a friendly exchange with anyone. It had been years.</p><p>“Well enough, I suppose, all things considered. What are you doing up here? I expected to find you guarding the door when I woke up.”</p><p>“You’re not my prisoner, Rey,” he said softly.</p><p>“Aren’t I?” she returned archly. “I was at first, but now I’m not? Easy to say when I have no chance of getting off this island.”</p><p>“This island was the first place that came to mind when I needed somewhere to hide you quickly. If there’s somewhere else you’d like to suggest, I’m listening. Don’t say Jakku.”</p><p>“Why not Jakku? It may seem desolate to you, but it’s all I’ve ever known.”</p><p>He couldn’t parse the jumbled feelings she cycled through every time she thought of her home world. She hated so much about it, but also yearned to get back as quickly as possible. That wasn’t going to happen.</p><p>“It’s also home to a Star Destroyer battle group that’s been assigned to the system indefinitely. Rumor has it there’s a lot of Resistance activity on Jakku these days.” He looked at her meaningfully.</p><p>“I’m not part of the Resistance,” she shot back. “Not that it matters. It certainly didn’t stop you from abducting me.”</p><p>“You were on Takodana with the Resistance, were you not?”</p><p>She crossed her arms in irritation. “As a matter of fact, I was not. Is this some kind of elaborate trick? Did you fly me halfway across the galaxy just to interrogate me here, after your first attempt went so well?”</p><p>Normally, Ren had a lightning-fast temper. But he was determined not to rise to her barbs. Not when they were trapped together for the foreseeable future.</p><p>“I’m not trying to interrogate you. I’m trying to understand you,” he answered simply.</p><p>That clearly left her at a loss.</p><p>“I’m hungry,” she finally said. “Is there anything to eat?”</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>All First Order vessels came equipped with standard emergency packs, in case mechanical failure left their crews stranded. The packs held survival necessities such as basic medical supplies, water purification equipment, and ration bars. Ren explained as they ate that he had already put out containers to catch rainwater for drinking. Once the weather improved, they could fish and hunt. The island was very small, but as the only land mass for hundreds of miles, it was home to many theoretically edible creatures.</p><p>“How do you know how to do all of this?” Rey asked, as she started in on her third bar. They ought to be mindful of conserving their resources, particularly until the warmer weather arrived. But Ren studied the bones starkly visible through the skin of her wrists and silently slid another bar in her direction. “You don’t strike me as the sort of person who has lived rough,” she added, bits of food spilling from her full mouth as she talked.</p><p>He wanted to ask her what sort of person he <em>did</em> strike her as, but most likely he would not enjoy her answer. “I’ve spent a great deal of time living in the wild. On multiple planets.”</p><p>She reached for the fourth bar. “With other not-your-prisoners?”</p><p>He couldn’t interpret her tone. Was she…teasing him? “Alone.”</p><p>“Care to elaborate?”</p><p>He thought of all the times Snoke had abandoned him on some barren hellhole, leaving him behind with nothing but the will to survive. Pain is instructive, that was one of the Supreme Leader’s favorite precepts. <em>You don’t deserve the honor of protecting my life if you can’t even save your own, ridiculous child.</em> How many nights had he huddled in swamps, or icy wastelands, fighting off panic and hunger, willing himself not to fall asleep? What he would have given for someone to talk to then, to hold the fear at bay just a little in the darkness.</p><p>“No.” He stood up from the crates where they were eating their meager meal. “Are you finished? We should survey the rest of the island.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>He led her not outside, but deeper into the cavern. It had been what, nearly twenty years since he was last here? But the opening up into the rock formation was exactly as he remembered it.</p><p>“It’s steep. There’s likely to be organic matter on the ground that makes it slick in places. With your skills, you shouldn’t have trouble,” he assured her, shining a lantern from the freighter through the hole. He didn’t sense any danger.</p><p>They were looking up into a roughly circular opening in the rock wall, wide enough for both of them to stand side-by-side. It was the terminus of an irregularly-shaped passageway running high into the center of the column.</p><p>“Was this made?” Rey asked, craning her neck to see.</p><p>“Millions of years ago, there were more of these formations. They were submerged under the oceans. The prevailing theory is that giant seaworms bored the initial channels through the stone.” He offered her a hand, but she ignored it and nimbly climbed into the mouth of the tunnel.</p><p>The first part of the ascent was the most challenging. Once they reached the point where the tunnel curved out of sight of the cavern below, it was more level and easier to navigate. Ren was soon able to switch off the light. The higher they climbed, the more openings there were to the outside world. They met only birds, who indignantly took flight to avoid the intruders.</p><p>It was one of the strangest experiences of Ren’s life, being back in this place he never thought to see again. Rounding each corner, he half-expected to meet himself, a little boy caught up in some dangerous adventure with a ne’er-do-well father, one more concerned with his own illegal pursuits than with being a responsible parent.</p><p>Rey’s head collided hard with his back.</p><p>“Why did you stop?” she demanded, brushing the hair out of her eyes.</p><p>He hadn’t realized he had stopped. They had reached a fork in the top of the tunnel. One side opened to stormy sky, and an outcropping of rock. It made for a natural balcony high above the water. Rain was pouring in and running past their feet, back down the way they had just come.</p><p>Ren knew where the other side of the fork led. His feet just didn’t want to take the remaining steps. He was almost afraid of what lay ahead, of what he would feel. Coming here had been a mistake.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Rey asked. “What do you see?”</p><p>He saw Han Solo, young and cocksure, standing at the top of the rise and smiling down at him. <em>Come on Benny boy, quit exploring for five minutes and help your old man with this last batch so we can get out of here. You know your mother wants us home by tomorrow. </em>The stab of pain in his chest was breathtaking.</p><p>“What is it?” Rey prodded again. “Are you alright?”</p><p>He felt the warm pressure of a hand on his arm and jerked away in shock. No one ever touched him. Not unless it was to inflict pain. Rey looked mildly offended. He felt a rush of mortified anger. Would he ever stop getting things so wrong with this girl?</p><p>“Come on,” he snapped, and clambered up the final few steps of the path.</p><p>The tunnel opened into a large space, a kind of room at the top of the tower. Its walls twisted and turned, creating natural niches protected from the rain pouring in at the far side. Rey stepped past him, taking the lantern from his hand. She walked over to peer into the closest niche.</p><p>“Look!” she cried in surprise. “It’s full of shipping containers.” She regarded him shrewdly. “But maybe you already knew that?”</p><p>Rey traced the entire length of the chamber, shining light into every niche and taking in the view from each opening in the stone. She reached out a hand to the rain again, as she had earlier. Then she said quietly, her back to him, “I have a theory.”</p><p>Ren said nothing. He still hadn’t moved from the entrance.</p><p>“Would you like to hear my theory?” she pressed.</p><p>“Be my guest.” They had gotten here far more quickly than he ever anticipated.</p><p>“You said something very strange to me in that interrogation room. You said that I thought of Han Solo as the father I never had. You said <em>Han Solo</em> as though it was a name you recognized, a person you didn’t like very much. And then you said, he would be sure to disappoint me in the end. It was such an odd comment to make. But honestly, I’d forgotten about it until just now.” She turned to him. “Last night, you admitted you’d been here before. And you told me that smugglers used this planet as a hideout after the last Rebellion.”</p><p>She came slowly back to where Ren was standing and examined the features of his face.</p><p>“I should have seen it before,” she whispered. “You’re very like him.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The location inspiration comes from the Russian film "I Am Dragon." </p><p>The planet Aeos is featured in season 2 of "Star Wars Resistance."</p><p>Even though I have spent far more time on Wookieepedia and in the visual dictionaries for this story than anything else I have ever written, I am not a comic reader. So I haven't read TROKR or any other SW comics that he may appear in.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He upended half the containers on the freighter before the girl caught up with him. Ren felt her approach, but even the reassuring warmth of her aura did nothing to stop the wrath spilling out of him. They should never have set foot in this place. How could he have been such a fool?</p><p>Rey stepped up into the hold without comment. She must have heard the commotion long before she reached the ship. She climbed onto the crate farthest from him. His temper tantrum didn’t seem to faze her. Her eyes were alive with curiosity, more bad news for him.</p><p>By the time he’d exhausted himself, the floor was littered with large spools of brightly colored wire, lighting filaments, cooling fan blades, and a tumble of canned goods he recognized as the bland dreck fed to First Order stormtroopers. <em>Wonderful.</em></p><p>Ren was panting and his arms burned. He wasn’t using the Force, but his own strength to flip the heavy, durasteel boxes over. It made the destruction that much more satisfying.</p><p>“That was rather childish,” Rey said primly. He glared at her in response.</p><p>“I only meant that you <em>look</em> like him. That’s all. There was no need to stomp away and leave me up there alone.” She unwrapped the black fabric of his cowl and laid it across her lap, regarding him evenly.</p><p>He needed to get out of here, go and meditate, jump off the top of the tower—anything to put distance between himself and her sanctimonious judgment. To have this <em>teenager,</em> who had never seen anything beyond Force-forsaken Jakku, call <em>him</em> childish…he might just level the entire island before he calmed down, and then they truly would be in trouble.</p><p>“So what do I call you?” she asked.</p><p>“What?” he snarled.</p><p>“I don’t know what to call you. The man in the hanger called you Lord something or other. I know it wasn’t Sol—”</p><p>“Don’t call me that. Ever.” He stabbed a finger in her direction to emphasize his absolute seriousness on the point. Then just as quickly he pulled it back, livid when he remembered where he picked up that particular gesture.</p><p>“All right,” she threw her hands up in mock surrender. “What name am I allowed, then?”</p><p>He spun, kicking viciously at a pile of spare circuit boards that lay across his path. He tried to take steadying breaths, to allow the blackness billowing through him to dissipate like a summer storm. Acknowledge the anger and let it pass, he had been lectured as a boy. Not that he was ever any good at it. <em>There is no passion, there is serenity.</em> What a load of—</p><p>“I told you my name. Are you really not going to tell me yours?” Rey demanded heatedly.</p><p>“The Supreme Leader decreed my name to be Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.” <em>Stars</em>, what a pompous ass he must sound like. This girl was going to drown herself just to get away from him.</p><p>“Am I supposed to bow or something?” There it was again, that tone he couldn’t understand. Most likely she was making fun of him. He was used to being an object of ridicule. When he didn’t respond, she prompted, “Who exactly are the Knights of Ren?”</p><p>“They’re an elite killing squad that serves at the Supreme Leader’s pleasure. I’ll probably get to introduce you personally, before too long.” It was satisfying to watch her grip the cowl a bit more tightly. He wasn’t proud of it.</p><p>“Why don’t you sit?” she asked, after a minute. “You look ready to fall over.”</p><p>Because she had invited him to sit, he couldn’t possibly do it. He leaned rigidly against the bulkhead instead.</p><p>
  <em>Stubborn idiot.</em>
</p><p>If he hadn’t been looking straight at her face when he heard it, he would have assumed she spoke the words. But she didn’t.</p><p>“I’ve been called worse,” he muttered, and her cheeks flushed in humiliation.</p><p>“So you can read my thoughts, then? Without even—” she waved her hand in imitation of the gesture he used during her interrogation.</p><p>“Not without trying, no,” he admitted. <em>Not yet, anyway.</em> “But that particular sentiment came through loud and clear.”</p><p>They stared at each other across the wreckage. Ren could feel the girl mentally regrouping. She was right; he was very tired. It wasn’t improving his state of mind.</p><p>Finally, she spoke. “Can you just…explain to me? Because I don’t understand any of this. You said you brought me here to save me from Snoke—and that he’ll kill you for it. But you still call him ‘Supreme Leader’ and talk about him like you admire him or something.”</p><p>She picked at the hem of the cowl. “You also said this was the first place you thought to bring me, but you’re obviously not happy to be here. It seems to remind you of…things you’d rather forget.”</p><p>Ren pushed off the bulkhead with an exasperated grunt and dropped into the nearest fold-down chair. He stared at the far wall to avoid looking at Rey. He understood what she was really asking.</p><p>“Why are you doing all this?” she whispered.</p><p>He knew what he wanted to tell her. He wanted to explain that when he was a boy, studying at Skywalker’s Jedi temple, one of the rites of passage was searching for the kyber crystal that would power your lightsaber. He would describe how each crystal called to only one soul in the galaxy. How you simply <em>knew</em> when you found the one that was meant for you, and you alone. How the Force reverberated with the rightness of it.</p><p>But he couldn’t say any of that. He couldn’t bear the look of revulsion—or pity—that would surely cross her face. It would break him.</p><p>Instead, he got up and left.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>When Ren returned a few hours later, he found Rey tinkering with some contraption she was assembling from the mess on the floor. “I was thinking,” she began, as though answering a question he hadn’t posed, “that once the hot weather comes, it’ll be much cooler up there than shut in down here. We might need light. And we don’t want to use too much fuel.” She lifted a bent cooling blade, marred by a clear boot print. “Maybe I can rig something up to give us wind power.”</p><p><em>What do you think? </em>Her words slipped around his mind as exquisitely as shimmersilk. She blinked shyly.</p><p>“Clever,” he admitted, unable to say more.</p><p>“Well,” she continued, voice light, “I thought about asking you to stand there all day spinning the blades with your magical powers, but this felt more practical.”</p><p>He perched on one of the few undisturbed crates, watching her work. “They aren’t magical powers. And you have them, too.”</p><p>“So you keep telling me.”</p><p>“It won’t be an option, regardless.” He had spent the afternoon on the stone ledge at the top of the tower, thinking. He wasn’t controlling himself as well as he knew he needed to. There was only one solution.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“There’s something I have to do. It’s the only way to keep us safe. At least for now.”</p><p>His tone caught her attention. “That sounds ominous.”</p><p>“It’s not. It may make things more…complicated.”</p><p>“Spit it out, then.”</p><p>He sighed. “I have to close myself off from the Force. Entirely.”</p><p>Rey looked stunned. “But why?”<br/><br/>“Snoke is a very powerful Force user, but he’s not omnipotent. He can reach out to connect with someone’s mind from a great distance, but it’s easier for him to do that if he knows where his target is. He can’t just scan the entire galaxy in a nanosecond and pinpoint which planet we’re on.”</p><p>He crouched down beside her, black gloved hands plucking at a red tangle of wire on the floor.</p><p>“The attack on Starkiller may have bought us a grace period. The First Order will have to compile and verify lists of casualties. If, by chance, the entire base was destroyed—” Rey flinched, “—then we’re presumed dead along with everyone else.”</p><p>“But you clearly still think they’ll be hunting for us.”</p><p>“I do,” he admitted. “It’s only a matter of time. Snoke and I both sensed your presence in the Force, even before Takodana. We didn’t know anything about you, just that someone, somewhere was coming into tremendous abilities. He liked to say, <em>Darkness rises and Light to meet it.</em> He’ll still be able to sense you, and now he knows he’s looking for a scavenger girl from Jakku. There may even be security footage he can get an image from.”</p><p>“I’m starting to really hate him,” Rey said ferociously. Ren fought the urge to laugh.</p><p>“With any luck, he’ll believe you escaped with the Resistance. But I have a feeling he’ll suspect my involvement. And then he’ll start looking for me.”</p><p>“Would you know? Could he have already found us and we just don’t realize it?”</p><p>“I doubt it. He’ll be so enraged by my betrayal that he’ll want me to know he’s coming for me. Terror is one of his favorite tools.”</p><p>“How would he let you know?”</p><p>“He could speak directly into my mind. Even invade my dreams.”</p><p>“Stars.” Her mouth hug open in horror. Then she had a realization. “You didn’t sleep all night on purpose,” she breathed. The tiny wisp of softness he had felt in her before was revived.</p><p>Ren stood up. His face felt unaccountably hot. <em>Blushing like a kriffing schoolboy. </em>“This isn’t foolproof, Rey. You need to learn the ways of the Force, for your own protection. As you get stronger, he’ll be more determined than ever to find you. And once he learns that we’re here together…but I can’t see any other way.”</p><p>“What can I do to help?” she asked. Had anyone ever said that to him before?</p><p>“Join me. Please.”</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>The rain had finally stopped, but the sea was as turbulent as ever. Ren led the girl to a large, flat rock at the water’s edge. He jumped up, less gracefully than he would have liked, offering her a gloved hand. This time, she accepted. They sat cross-legged, side-by-side, gazing out at the relentless surf.</p><p>She waited while he prepared himself. “I don’t see how you can even breathe in those clothes, let alone sit like that. Or fight. They look so uncomfortable.”</p><p>What she failed to understand was that that was the point. His garments were constricting to the point of pain. It was sometimes hard to breathe while wearing them. And they reminded him every moment of his waking life that he was bound into a servitude he would never escape. They protected and smothered him.</p><p>“Are you ready?” he asked.</p><p>“I have absolutely no idea what we’re doing, so I can’t say I am. Do you know what we’re doing?”</p><p>Ren had studied ancient texts in his temple days that laid out the theory of what he was about to attempt, but he never imagined he would be trying to do it. He pressed his palms flat against the stone to still his fingers.</p><p>“Before I close myself off from the Force, I want to help you open yourself to it. Place your hands like mine,” he directed. Rey did as he asked, their fingers only a hair’s breadth apart. “Close your eyes,” he added, and miraculously she did.</p><p>In a moment of impulsiveness, he tore the heavy gloves off and tossed them to the ground, before replacing his hands on the cold stone.</p><p>“Reach out with your feelings. What do you see?”</p><p>“What do I see with my eyes closed?”</p><p>“Yes. Concentrate on the vitality inside you and you’ll begin to <em>see</em> in a different way. Just try.”</p><p>Rey was silent for a long moment. Ren took the opportunity to study her profile, and the steady rise and fall of her chest. He gently funneled his own strength toward her, to help her focus. “Tell me what you see, Rey,” he encouraged.</p><p>“The island. Life. Death and decay…that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.”</p><p>“And between it all?”</p><p>“Balance. An energy. A Force.”</p><p>“And inside you?”</p><p>“Inside me? That same Force.”</p><p>He couldn’t help himself. He smiled, just a little.</p><p>“And you,” she continued, in a breathless voice that made his insides twist. “It’s in you, too. So many colors whirling together, shadows but also golden seams of Light. Is that how you see me?”</p><p>“Yes,” he answered honestly. Her presence in the Force was a kaleidoscope of brilliance. She was luminous. Just now, it was so intense it was almost painful to experience. He could feel their energies coalescing, twining together. He inched his hand sideways to close the gap between them. When the edges of their fingers met, Rey gasped loudly.</p><p>It was too much, too dangerous. The entire universe would feel this tremor. Snoke…</p><p>Ren braced himself, and severed.</p><p>Emptiness, absence. It was all gone. The vibrations, the music, the heat of life. The world around him was flat and dull. Colorless. It was the difference between eating a fresh jogan fruit in the summer sunshine, and staring at an old holo of one. Rey looked stricken. Her expression was now his only clue as to what she was feeling.</p><p>“You’re…” she whispered, eyes glassy with sudden tears, “you’re just…blank. There’s nothing there.”</p><p>It was surreal, to be sure, and more than a little unsettling to have no warning of danger ahead. But he also felt somehow freer, as though he had laid down a burden. It was one he had carried so long, he was no longer aware of how heavy and damaging it was. Ren hadn’t considered that in shutting himself off from the Force, he was also walling himself away from the Darkness. He let out a ragged breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rey said, so earnestly that his own eyes tightened. “I only caught a glimpse. You’ve had this your entire life. I can’t imagine what it must be like to just…give it up.”</p><p>“I’m alright,” he said, moved by her compassion. Her fingertip still lay against his on the stone. He hoped she wouldn’t notice just yet. “It can be undone.”</p><p>He was exhausted, legs stiff and back aching. He wondered idly if he might sleep without nightmares tonight. He had just barricaded the door through which they entered.</p><p>They climbed down from the rock and headed back to the freighter as night fell. It was only later that Ren realized he had left the gloves behind.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Stars, what a smell!” Rey wrinkled her nose in disgust.</p><p>They were inventorying the many smuggling crates hidden away in the top of the tower. There was no apparent rhyme or reason to their arrangement. A box full of salvaged droid legs sat on another brimming with chunks of metallic orange ore. This one contained tall glass jars of murky fluid. When Rey pulled one out to examine it more closely, they could see dark shapes sloshing around inside.</p><p>“Are those…ears?!” she yelped.</p><p>“Kowakian monkey-lizard ears, by the look of them. They’re considered quite a delicacy on some worlds.”</p><p>Rey made a retching noise and dropped the bottle back into place. “Let’s seal this one up. The stench is making me sick.”</p><p>The next niche held a single, massive box. It filled the entire space, leaving no room to move past it on either side.</p><p>“One of us could climb over and push from the back,” she suggested. She brushed stray pieces of hair from her face, leaving a streak of dirt on her brow.</p><p>Ren had a different plan. “Or you could move it yourself,” he said.</p><p>“Very funny.”</p><p>“I’m serious.”</p><p>“And how do you suggest I do that?”</p><p>“With the Force, obviously.”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms impatiently. “I’ve only just started learning about this stuff. You can’t possibly expect me to make something that huge float. It must weigh a ton.”</p><p>“I told you, Rey, its weight is irrelevant. The Force will be doing the lifting, not you. The key is concentration. If you believe you can move it, you can.”</p><p>They had been working together for several days. Rey was a quick study. She was agile and fearless, and consequently having no difficulty with the physical training exercises he devised. What she found most challenging was quieting her mind for meditation and believing in her own capability. <em>Just like me.</em></p><p>“What do I do?” she sighed. It was clear she remained skeptical.</p><p>He pulled her farther back from the niche and stood close behind. “Close your eyes. Focus on the crate. See yourself moving it where you want it to go. Call on the Force inside you. Believe that it will do your bidding.”</p><p>“Do my bidding? That makes it sound as though the Force is a servant, sitting there waiting for me to order it around.”</p><p>“A Sith would probably be more comfortable with that interpretation than a Jedi.”</p><p>She glanced at him over her shoulder. He wanted to reach out and brush the small smudge of dirt away. He looked at the crate, instead.</p><p>“Is that what you are?” she asked. “A Sith?”</p><p>“No,” he said, more heatedly than necessary. It was important to him that she understand.</p><p>“You said that the Sith were the counterparts of the Jedi. They used the Dark Side of the Force and the Jedi used the Light. Are you a Jedi then?” she teased.</p><p>“Once.” The word slipped out before he could stop it.</p><p>Rey was stunned. “You were a Jedi? When? What happened?”</p><p>“Move the crate,” he ordered her.</p><p>“Oh no, there’s no way I’m just going to let that—”</p><p>He leaned closer to her face and pitched his voice low. “Move the crate and I’ll tell you what happened.” Did he imagine the shiver, the little puff of breath from her nose?</p><p>Rey turned back to the wall, squaring her shoulders and closing her eyes. She extended a hand toward the niche. For a moment, nothing happened. Then Ren saw the bottom of the box ease off the stone floor. It hovered unsteadily, just a centimeter or two above ground. “Good, Rey. Very good,” he murmured against her ear.</p><p>The box slammed down, kicking up a cloud of dust and loose pebbles. Her cheeks were flushed with exertion. “Would you stand over there, please? I can’t concentrate with you breathing down my neck like that.”</p><p>Ren reluctantly moved to lean against the far wall. Rey eyed him distrustfully, as if she expected him to creep back the moment her eyes closed. She refocused her attention on the box. “You promise you’ll tell me?” she demanded. He nodded.</p><p>This time, the crate rose half-a-meter above the rock. Ren watched her carefully for any sign of distress. Tiny beads of sweat broke out on her upper lip and the hand she held out shook slightly. But the crate remained aloft and slowly, slowly glided toward her, as if pulled by invisible ropes. When it cleared the alcove, he called, “That’s enough, Rey. You can let it go now.” It hit the ground with a thud that echoed off the ceiling.</p><p>He caught her elbow as her knees buckled slightly. “I’ve got you,” he said. “You did it. Well done.” He was stupidly proud of her.</p><p>“Talk,” she replied, winded.</p><p>“Why don’t we see what’s in this container you worked so hard for?” He was already prying the lid free.</p><p>“We had a deal—” she began crossly, but stopped when she peered down into the opened vessel. It was packed with rich fabrics of many colors.</p><p>“Oh,” she whispered. She bent double over the side of the crate, touching every bolt of cloth she could reach. “So soft,” she said, with a delighted smile that reached her eyes. For the first time he could ever remember, Ren felt grateful to Han Solo.</p><p>“We won’t have to sleep on the floor anymore,” she mumbled, cheeks curiously pink.</p><p>~~~~~<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The fabric proved to be their best discovery. One box held nothing but thin metal rods. (“Why would anyone need to smuggle these?” Rey asked with a laugh.) Another was mostly empty except for a carved wooden figure. Ren guessed it was a sacred artifact looted from one world for the benefit of a rich collector on another; his modicum of goodwill toward Solo turned back to scorn. There were lengths of silver tubing, oversized bolts, dried plants they couldn’t identify, and a large pile of objects they eventually decided were shoes, though definitely not for humanoid feet.</p><p>They sat on the stone ledge at the top of the tower to eat, watching the sun sink into the ocean. The wind was still strong, but the air was slightly warmer than when they first landed. Rey had brought stormtrooper rations from the freighter to try.</p><p>“I’d rather eat the monkey ears, thank you,” Ren said, declining her offer of a can.</p><p>She stared at him in exaggerated astonishment. “Was that...a joke? Did you just make a joke?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure how to respond. He supposed it was a feeble attempt at humor. Maybe someday he could finally begin to talk to her like a normal person.</p><p>“You’re different,” she observed more seriously, peeling the lid from the can.</p><p>“How so?” he asked.</p><p>“I don’t know exactly. It’s not as though I knew you before we ended up here. You just seem…easier to be around. Less intimidating. You don’t feel like a bomb ready to go off at any moment.”</p><p>He considered her words. He felt different. Less angry, certainly. Less choked by fear and despair. He had never enjoyed multiple nights of uninterrupted sleep before. That alone cleared his mind and improved his outlook. Lying on the floor of the freighter, listening to Rey breathing against the opposite wall, had become his favorite part of each day.</p><p>“I haven’t forgotten, you know. You owe me a story,” she said. The grey glop in the can looked exactly as appetizing as he had expected, but that wasn’t stopping her from eating it. He couldn’t imagine how awful life on Jakku must have been, to lower her standards so far.</p><p>They hadn’t discussed his past since the day she pieced together his connection to Solo. It was a subject he hadn’t spoken of to anyone in years. He wasn’t looking forward to it. “It was clear that I was Force-sensitive from the time I was small. When I was ten years old, I was sent to study at a Jedi temple led by Luke Skywalker,” he began, trying not to sneer.</p><p>Rey’s face fell.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked. Had she sensed how deep his animosity ran?</p><p>“You knew Luke Skywalker,” she said faintly. “I always thought he was a myth.”</p><p>Ren snorted. “Hardly.” He paused. “He’s my uncle.”</p><p>“You<em> are</em> the boy,” she breathed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She put the can aside, wiping her hands nervously across her legs. “I told you I wasn’t with the Resistance, and that’s the truth. I only met Han Solo a few hours before you took me from Takodana. I had stolen this ship to get off Jakku and it turns out it was—”</p><p>“The <em>Falcon</em>,” he finished. He was astounded by the lengths the Force had gone to, to bring them here together.</p><p>“Yes,” she said. “He found us right away. He must have been running regular scans for it.”</p><p>“Who is us?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even. When she hesitated, he said, “You and the droid, obviously. And the stormtrooper who defected, FN2187? Somehow he found his way to you, too?”</p><p>“He said his name was Finn,” she responded defensively. “And he never mentioned being a stormtrooper. He told me he was with the Resistance.”</p><p>“You just said you weren’t with the Resistance,” Ren snapped.</p><p>“Well, he was lying, wasn’t he?” she shot back. “Anyway, Han just wanted his ship back. He was going to put us off at the first chance. I had to tell him about the droid and…what it was supposed to be carrying.”</p><p>“The map to Skywalker,” he offered. She nodded.</p><p>“And what did he have to say about that?”</p><p>“He told us he knew Luke. That Luke had run away, gone into hiding. Because of something that happened at a school he ran. A school for Jedi children. Han said,” she fidgeted with obvious discomfort, “that one of the boys had turned against Luke and destroyed it all.”</p><p>Ren clenched his fists. There was a pounding in his ears. He could almost hear Han Solo’s voice as Rey recounted what she’d heard. He’d always wondered what Luke told them.</p><p>“Did you do it? Did you destroy the school?”</p><p>“Does it matter?”</p><p>“Of course, it matters!” she exclaimed.</p><p>He swallowed hard. “I didn’t destroy his school. He sensed my power. And he feared it. One night, I woke up and found him standing over my bed with a lightsaber in his hand, ready to kill me. I defended myself. You would have done the same.”</p><p>Her face clouded with shock. “You’re telling the truth.”</p><p>“You would know. You’re good at telling when people are lying.”</p><p>Neither spoke. The sun was nearly down. They should start back for the freighter. Storms tended to blow up quickly after dark.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” she said. He didn’t object.</p><p>“If Han Solo is…your father, and Luke Skywalker is your uncle, what about your mother? She must be Luke’s sister?”</p><p>His stomach clenched as he allowed himself to think about his mother for the first time in years. Her kind smile. Her long, dark hair with its intricate braids. Her soft hands, rubbing his back in the darkness of his room after yet another nightmare. Of course, that was only on the nights when she was around, and had nothing more important to do than comfort a frightened child.</p><p>“Twin sister. Her name is Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan. Former Senator under both the Empire and the New Republic. Currently serving as commanding general of the Resistance.” He spat the word.</p><p>Rey sagged against the rock wall behind her. “You’re joking.”</p><p>“I assure you I’m not.”</p><p>“Your mother is the head of the Resistance. The resistance against the First Order. Of which you are, what? Second-in-command? And she’s a princess to boot? Does that make you a prince?”</p><p>“It’s even worse than that,” he said darkly. Now that he was divulging all his secrets, he may as well make a thorough job of it.</p><p>“My mother’s adopted parents were the viceroy and queen of Alderaan. Her birth mother was the queen of Naboo. And her father…” The words stuck in his throat.</p><p>“Her father?” Rey prompted gently.</p><p>“Her father was one of the most gifted Jedi who ever lived, Anakin Skywalker. You know him by another name.” He didn’t want to see the abhorrence that would surely cross her features. But he couldn’t make himself look away.</p><p>Instead, her eyes filled with tears. He wasn’t sure why. This was his burden to bear, not hers.</p><p>“Darth Vader,” she whispered.</p><p>“Darth Vader,” he repeated tonelessly. He knew they were both remembering the interrogation room, and the moment she plucked his deepest fear from his mind and flung it in his face.</p><p>She clutched the cowl more tightly to her body. It was colder now that the sun had set. “I never knew my family,” she confessed. “You know everything about your family for generations. I know nothing. I don’t know where I was born, or when. I don’t even know if Rey is my real name. I have no memory of my parents.” She pulled her knees to her chest. She seemed to be debating whether to say something. “Once I had a…a sort of…vision. I saw a ship leaving Jakku. I saw myself, just a little thing, screaming and crying for them to come back. I don’t even know if that’s real.” She looked at him with a sad smile. “You’re a prince. And I’m nothing. Nobody.”</p><p>“Not to me,” he said, voice rough with feeling.</p><p>Slowly, he slid his hand across the space between them, palm upturned. She looked down at it without moving. For a moment, he feared he had gone too far and broken the fragile cord between them. But then she reached down and laid her hand across his. Her skin was cold, her fingers callused. In the light of the rising moon, he saw a tear slide down her cheek.</p><p>“Tell me your real name,” she pleaded.</p><p>He couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure his lips would even form the word. This felt momentous, like falling untethered into space. Like dying, or being reborn.</p><p>“Ben,” he said. “My name was Ben.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dammit, Ben!” Rey hissed through her teeth, shaking her arm vigorously.</p><p>“I warned you to keep your guard up,” he reminded her. He circled, brandishing one of the metal rods from Han’s forgotten cache. “It could have been a lot worse if we were using real sabers.”</p><p>She resumed a defensive posture, flexing her fingers gingerly. “I suppose those flaming side jets aren’t totally absurd.”</p><p>He gave a self-deprecating little shrug and Rey actually smiled. He would never get used to how easily she smiled these days. At him. “They’re called quillons. And they’re an ancient part of blade design for a reason.”</p><p>They had been practicing like this for weeks. Every day the sun rose earlier, and the air had warmed so much that Ben shed his heavy padded coat and belt four days ago. Rey gave him a peculiar look the first time he left the freighter in only the thin black jersey he wore under the coat. He’d felt her eyes on him so many times since he’d become self-conscious. Perhaps shedding the facade of Kylo Ren had diminished him in her eyes.</p><p>Rey lunged, and the clang of metal on metal rang again across the island. She was improving as quickly as he’d hoped. In the beginning, he easily bested her. She was what the First Order might dismiss as a street scrapper, spirited and tenacious, but sloppy in her execution. Now she was a sight to behold, fearsome in her power and control. She was tough and alert, anticipating his every move as she gained confidence in her relationship with the Force. Without his own amplified senses, Ben knew he would soon have trouble holding his own against her. What she lacked in physical strength, Rey compensated for with speed and agility; it was becoming nearly impossible to pin her down.</p><p>But <em>stars</em>, he loved trying. Sparring with Rey was the most enjoyable thing he’d ever done. Ben remembered brawling with his knights, using pain as a fuel to stoke his own rage and bloodlust. This was nothing like that. It was a complex dance between talented equals. Even when Rey trounced him, which was happening more frequently, he still won because she was better able to protect herself. Snoke would come for them eventually, and Rey would have every advantage in that fight that Ben could afford her.</p><p>Right now she was a mesmerizing whirlwind, hair flying in every direction as she spun and jumped. She had stopped restraining it in three tight knots on her head, and strands curled wildly around her shoulders in the humid ocean air. With lengths of arm and leg browning in the early summer light, she was the warrior queen of his most secret dreams.</p><p>Ben was the one getting sloppy, distracted as he was watching her move. Rey took advantage of a nearby ledge to pivot and vault neatly over his head, twisting him off-balance. A pair of violet birds nesting in the cracks launched into the sky squawking loudly, but it never pulled her focus for an instant. She was relentless, slashing and hacking, forcing him back. Ben sensed the wall of the tower behind him and knew he had only a second to react before he was trapped. He crouched suddenly, swinging wide for Rey’s legs. She launched straight into the air, as he had known she would, and in one swift motion he stood, parrying her swing above their heads and hooking her around the waist to spin her against the stone with his free arm.</p><p>She was panting, eyes alive with excitement. She smelled of sunshine and seawater. He had wanted to kiss her so many times, never as badly as now. But Rey was not for him. She deserved better than someone who had thrown his life away, serving a fiend he neither understood nor believed in. It was hard to fathom, looking back, how everything had gone so horribly wrong. He only knew he made bad choices—many of them. And he wouldn’t risk choosing selfishly now and ruining Rey’s life. She was too important. He loosened his hold on her waist, dropping her back to the ground.</p><p>Rey had other ideas. She gripped his neck and pulled him down, pressing her lips hard to his. There was no artifice in the kiss. She simply held herself against him until she needed air, letting him go with a gasp. It happened so quickly Ben wasn’t sure if he imagined it. But he could still taste the salt of her skin. He was flabbergasted.</p><p>He stumbled back, letting both their weapons fall.</p><p>“Why did you do that?” he demanded.</p><p>“Because I wanted to,” she said, confused. “And <em>you</em> wanted to, but you weren’t going to…so I did.”</p><p>“Are you reading my thoughts now?”</p><p>“What? No!” Her cheeks flushed darker in a decidedly appealing way. “I don’t need to read your thoughts, Ben. I’ve got eyes, haven’t I?”</p><p>He felt his own face get hot. “You shouldn’t have done that,” he finished lamely, turning on his heel and heading for the freighter. He needed water, but only for lack of something stronger. <em>Why couldn’t you have been a Corellian whiskey runner? </em>he silently cursed his father.</p><p>Rey was right behind him, relentless as ever.</p><p>“Wait, Ben. Stop!” she called. When he didn’t, she sprinted forward and planted herself in his path. “I said stop!”</p><p>“What, Rey? What do you want from me?” he spat.</p><p>“Why are you angry? Was it…was it bad?” Her voice was so unsure, it cut his heart.</p><p>He had no idea how to answer. He had nothing to compare her kiss to, not that he wanted that. But he couldn’t admit such a humiliating thing. “You shouldn’t have done it,” he repeated instead.</p><p>“But. Why. Not?” she asked. “You like me, Ben. I can feel it.” She stepped closer. “And I like you.”</p><p>He should have been elated. Instead, he sank under a familiar tidal wave of shame. Rey should have a better man, one worthy of her fierce, uncompromised affections. “You shouldn’t,” he managed, throat tight, stepping around her to continue down the path.</p><p>“And why shouldn’t I?” she called, following close.</p><p>“I’m too old for you.”</p><p>She laughed. “Wait, are you being serious? Because that’s a really stupid reason, Ben.”</p><p>“And I’m being hunted by a monster.”</p><p>“Possibly, yes, because you risked your life to save <em>me</em> from him,” she grabbed his arm. “And then you gave up your ability to sense him coming, again for me. You’ve been hiding out on this scrap of land that reminds you of your unhappy childhood, all to protect me.”</p><p>“Don’t do that,” he growled. Why couldn’t she see? Her trying to make him feel better was only making him feel like the worst sort of fraud. “Don’t make me out to be some kind of hero. I am not a good man, Rey.” He advanced on her, but she refused to retreat. “I’ve done things that would disgust you. Wipe the smiles right off your pretty face. Make you regret giving me your kiss.”</p><p>They were inches apart but she didn’t back down. She was determined. “I know who you are, Ben Solo. I know what you’ve done. I don’t have any illusions about that. You like to paint yourself as Darkness Incarnate, and it helps you to think of me as being all Light and goodness. So you can keep me at arm’s length. Tell yourself I’m so much better than you. It makes everything nice and simple that way. But it isn’t true. I’m not perfectly good, and you’re not perfectly evil. People are more complicated than that. We all have light <em>and</em> shadows. I don’t believe anyone is only the worst thing they’ve ever done. So don’t use that as an excuse. Don’t push me away because of some ridiculous idea of not being worthy of me. I’ll give my kisses to whomever I damn well please. That’s my choice to make. If you don’t want them, that’s yours.”</p><p>She was maddening. And stubborn. And everything he had never allowed himself to need. Selfishness was about to win again.</p><p>He buried his hands in the curtains of hair flying around her face. She squeaked in surprise as he kissed her hungrily. She wasn’t going to pull away from him too quickly this time, before he imprinted the taste and feel of her on his memory. But Rey wasn’t trying to escape. She grabbed hold of the fabric of his shirt and sighed into his mouth as the kiss slowed and deepened. Ben longed to reach out to her through the Force, to feel the frisson that linked them in the hangar that first day. But he couldn’t; he had to keep her safe.</p><p>
  <em>Safe from Snoke. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Safe from me.</em>
</p><p>The thought hit him like a slap. He broke off the kiss. Rey opened her eyes, her face shining with pleasure. She reached up, so gently it made his chest ache, and traced his brow with the pad of her thumb. She leaned up to kiss him again but he pulled away, stepping beyond her reach.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I do want this. But I can’t have it. I can’t have you. I can’t.”</p><p>And he left her there, alone by the sea.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>Rey shadowed him straight back into the freighter.</p><p>“No, sorry, not that easy. You don’t just get to walk away and act like nothing happened between us. We’re stuck here together. You’re going to have to talk to me, Ben.”</p><p>He said nothing. Honestly, he had no idea what to say. If he concentrated, he could still feel her hair as it slid between his fingers.<br/><br/>“Are you going to just ignore me, then? Because that is exceptionally childish, even for you. Ben, what are you doing?”</p><p>He was dragging crates to the back of the hold, one after another. It was more difficult than just tipping them onto the floor. He grunted with each effort. The physical exertion was helping him to clear his mind.</p><p>“Ben, either you start talking or I am going to stand very close to you and tell you in great detail what I enjoyed most about that kiss.”</p><p>He froze. “I’m rearranging the hold.”</p><p>“I can see that,” she responded. “What I don’t know is why.”</p><p>“I need to make room,” he said.</p><p>“But. Why?” she asked patiently, as one might question a toddler.</p><p>He finally turned to face her. “I intend to move the tradeable goods down from the tower and take them with us.”</p><p>“With us where?” she asked warily.</p><p>“It’s time we left Aeos.”</p><p>“Oh, for the love of—!” Rey exploded.</p><p>“We’ve been here too long as it is,” he pressed on. “It’s not wise to stay in one spot when you’re being hunted.”</p><p>“You’re not even certain we <em>are</em> being hunted,” she objected.</p><p>“All the more reason to leave,” he retorted. “We have no idea what the galactic situation is beyond this planet. We’ve been here well over a month.”</p><p>Rey clenched her fists in frustration. “Do you really think I don’t understand what’s going on here? You’re lying, Ben Solo. I don’t even need the Force to know that! If we hadn’t kissed, you wouldn’t have any idea of leaving Aeos.”</p><p>“You’re right, Rey. What happened today, it can’t happen again. So I’m going to load this ship up with anything I can trade for credits, take you to the nearest planet where I can get you proper food and new clothes, and with any luck there’s a Resistance cell somewhere nearby that you can join. I’m certain my mother could put a skilled Jedi-in-training to good use.”</p><p>Her face went stark white. “That’s your plan? You’re just going to dump me somewhere, like a pet that no longer suits? What happened to your burning need to protect me from Snoke?”</p><p>Ben struggled to maintain his composure. “I realized you need protecting from me more.”</p><p>She threw her head back, laughing in disbelief. “You are the most dramatic person I have ever—"</p><p>“This isn’t a game, Rey. You think you know who I am? You don’t. It will be better for you to start your life somewhere new, with good people who can help you. You’ve learned so much in such a short time,” his voice cracked, “you’ll be able to take care of yourself.”</p><p>“I already knew how to take of myself, thank you very much. And I’ve had quite enough for one lifetime of other people deciding they know what’s best for me, then leaving me behind like yesterday’s rubbish. You’re not doing this for me, Ben Solo. You’re afraid.” She pointed an accusing finger in his direction.</p><p>His throat burned. He suddenly remembered the water he came back for but never drank. He pushed past Rey and left the ship. He had little doubt she would follow.</p><p>“You think I don’t know you?” she demanded, jumping down from the hatch. “I know you better than anyone. Your parents weren’t there for you when you were growing up. You had to figure out who you were without any help. You feel like you’ve never been able to rely on anybody but yourself, and you wish more than anything that you could, even though you hate yourself for being so weak at the same time. You have this incredible power inside you that you don’t completely understand, and it makes you feel separate and strange. Alone, all the time. Do you know what I think?”</p><p>He made himself meet her eyes.</p><p>“I never hear you say anything positive about the First Order. About what they’re doing or why. I don’t think you give a damn about their politics. I’m guessing you got mixed up in the whole thing—Snoke, the First Order, maybe even the Dark Side—because you desperately wanted not to feel anymore. It’s all just about control with you, about trying to make your pain go away. But it never worked, did it?”</p><p>He couldn’t have felt more exposed if she had cut him open with his own lightsaber.</p><p>“But you know what, Ben? All those things I said about you, they’re true for me, too. I don’t want to be alone, either. But I’m not going to beg you to be with me. You have to decide. Do you want to keep telling yourself you’re a lost cause for the rest of your life? Or do you want to try to be better, to build something, to be with someone else? It seems clear to me which path you’re on. Maybe you just need to accept that you’re already on it.”</p><p>Rey gave him one last beseeching look. “Let the past go, Ben. Become whoever it is that <em>you</em> want to be.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The universe loved a good joke. Ben felt as though he had been the butt of more than a few of them. He never felt it more strongly than when he checked the navigational charts and read that the nearest inhabited planet with humanoid lifeforms was a small world in the adjacent system called Tiilk. If only he could contact Captain li-Hjop for recommendations of places to visit.</p><p>With Rey’s decidedly unenthusiastic help, he had loaded the freighter with most of Han’s abandoned goods. Other than a few brief arguments—would anyone truly want the Kowakian monkey-lizard ears?—they didn’t speak much. Rey spent their final evening on Aeos sleeping in the room at the top of the stone column, so Ben found himself alone in the freighter for what was no doubt the first of many such solitary nights.</p><p>Tiilk had a substantially larger population than Aeos, but whole regions of it remained undeveloped countryside. They chose a landing site with care, to avoid being detected. After hiding the freighter and hiking in to a small city called a-Che’Beth, built over a wide river, they made their way to a local marketplace.</p><p>Rey proved a more able negotiator than Ben. They carried samples of each of their wares, and Rey struck deals to trade most of the cargo by morning’s end. A single jar of the monkey ears brought them enough credits to hire a small cargo loader, much to Ben’s satisfaction. By late afternoon, the freighter hold was empty and their purses were full.</p><p>They found a public greenspace to rest in on the eastern bank of the river. Families were out enjoying Tiilk’s autumn weather. Young and old strolled by, arm-in-arm. For all their success, Ben couldn’t shake a strangling feeling of loss. He had done what he set out to do, and as a result he would soon say goodbye to Rey. In these last precious hours, they weren’t even speaking to each other. He had no idea how to make things right between them, or if he even should. If they were on warmer terms, wouldn’t it just be harder to watch her go?</p><p>He stood on the shore, flinging rock after rock across the surface of the river, trying desperately to think of a way to bridge the distance between them.</p><p>“What are you doing?” she asked. She was peeling soft lobes of flesh out of a brilliantly red speckled fruit they bought in the market.</p><p>“Skipping stones.”</p><p>“Is that a game or something?”</p><p>“I suppose so. My…I learned to do it when I was a boy.”</p><p>“But what’s the purpose of it?”</p><p>He shook his head. “I don’t know that there’s a purpose. There’s a technique to it, and once you have that mastered, there’s a certain enjoyment in doing it well.”</p><p>“But what are you <em>doing</em>, precisely?”</p><p>“You try to see how many times you can get the stone to bounce across the water. The better your technique, the farther it will go before it sinks.”</p><p>“It just seems so normal. For you, I mean.” Her voice trailed off as she glanced over at a group of children playing nearby. Ben was vaguely annoyed to lose her attention so easily.</p><p>He tossed another rock onto the glossy face of the water and turned back to find Rey gone. She had joined the children. Curious, he moved closer to where they were playing, concealing himself behind nearby foliage.</p><p>“This is a wonderful doll,” Rey was saying in hushed tones. “I made a doll once, but it was nowhere near as good as this one.” The apparent group leader, a little girl with long silvery-green hair, looked very pleased to be complimented by this new grown-up.</p><p>“And this one,” Rey said, turning to a smaller boy and examining his homemade play figure, “you called him Finn the Free. That’s a very good name. I like it very much. Can you tell me his story?”</p><p>The little boy was speechless in the face of so much praise from such a pretty young lady. He hid behind the older girl, peeking out shyly at Rey.</p><p>“Everyone knows his story,” a taller boy with startlingly golden eyes declared. “Finn the Free escaped from those awful black-and-whites and helped destroy the big gun that blowed up all the planets.”</p><p>“Did he? How marvelous! I’ve been traveling quite a lot lately so I don’t think I know this story. Can you tell me anything else?”</p><p>The golden-eyed boy regarded her suspiciously, incredulous that anyone in the entire galaxy could be unfamiliar with the derring-do of Finn the Free. He decided to indulge her. “He was one of them troopers with the black-and-whites, but he got loose and joined the Zistance. Then he led a gigantic army back to their most terriblest gun and blasted it out of the sky.”</p><p>The green-haired girl added, “My uncle Zej was on a planet two systems away and he saw the explosion.”</p><p>“How incredible,” Rey breathed. “Your very own uncle? That’s really something special.”</p><p>She asked the golden-eyed boy, “Have you ever seen the black-and-whites? Do they ever come here? Only it’s my first visit to Tiilk, and I was wondering if I might see them?”</p><p>The boy’s face pinched slightly. The lady had already raised his doubts once with her ignorance. “Of course, we’ve seen ‘em. They’re here all the time. We never know when they’ll show up.”</p><p>The green-haired girl looked around carefully, checking for eavesdroppers. “My mummy and daddy hate the black-and-whites,” she whispered.</p><p>“Ler’all, you aren’t supposed to say that,” the littlest boy hissed in fear. “Daddy says we’ll get in terrible trouble.”</p><p>“She won’t tell,” Ler’all reassured the boy, her younger brother. She looked up at Rey with slightly less confidence. “You won’t, will you?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Rey promised. Ler’all was visibly relieved. “But your mother and father are right. You should be very careful about saying such things. Thank you so much for showing me your dolls. It was lovely meeting all of you but I have to be going now.”</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>“Clearly, you should have been a spy,” Ben teased in a low voice, as they moved quickly down a deserted side street.</p><p>“Don’t laugh until we’ve cleared Tiilk airspace, please,” she answered quietly.</p><p>They were headed toward a small square they had to cross to reach the city gate closest to where the freighter was hidden. As they passed a dark shop window, Rey sucked in a breath and grabbed Ben’s wrist. A screen flashing local announcements was, at that moment, displaying a grainy image of his face. Ben Solo, son of notorious smuggler Han Solo and rebel leader Leia Organa, was wanted by the First Order. The reward for information leading to his capture was large enough to purchase any two of the buildings they were rushing past.</p><p>“This was a bad idea,” Rey moaned. “I told you this was a bad idea.”</p><p>“Not helpful,” Ben retorted.</p><p>It was early evening and the square was illuminated by many lights, to encourage local residents to stay out and patronize a-Che’Beth businesses after dark. As they drew closer, they saw a small knot of First Order stormtroopers slice their way through the crowds of shoppers. Rey shoved Ben hard into a dark doorway. He could feel her heart thrumming against his chest.</p><p>“You were right. Snoke knows you’re alive. He’s looking for you. Ben, you have to open yourself back up to the Force. It’s too dangerous. You can’t protect yourself like this.”</p><p>He could see the curve of her face in the light cast by a lamp across the street. She was so anxious for his safety, she hadn’t stopped to consider the jeopardy she was in. She believed he was worth protecting.</p><p>“No, it’s too risky. If he has any idea where we are, and I rejoin the Force, we’re as good as putting a homing beacon on ourselves. He’ll find us immediately. Rey,” he said soothingly, “we’ll be alright.” He still had his lightsaber, though using it meant identifying himself to anyone who saw it. He did wish fleetingly that he’d bought Rey a blaster.</p><p>“We can do this,” he promised. “We can make it. Trust me.”</p><p>“I do trust you,” she reassured him, squeezing his arm hard. “Let me lead the way across. I’ll use the Force to help guide us.”</p><p>They crept to the end of the street, staying in shadows as best they could. Ben felt Rey take a deep breath and slip her fingers between his own. She was careful to take his left hand; his right he hovered casually near the saber concealed under his shirt. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the cluster of stormtroopers pass out of the square. Rey spun abruptly and tugged him toward a small fountain to their left. He wasn’t sure why she was taking the detour. At the fountain, she turned to him with a transparently false smile, and pushed him down lightly to sit on its edge. She hovered over him, taking his face in her hands, and kissed him.</p><p>Something must be wrong. They must be in danger. But her mouth still tasted of the speckled red fruit. Her hair curled around his face, caressing his cheeks and ears. <em>Hiding me</em>, he realized. As she pulled away, Ben heard the rhythmic steps of a larger group of troopers, who had come into the square from the opposite direction. Had Rey not pulled them off course, they would have walked right across the squadron’s path.</p><p>She was near enough that he could feel her breath against his lips. He didn’t need the Force to register the tension rolling off her body. “The lengths you’ll go to kiss me,” he joked, in a low voice meant only for her. He ran his fingertips lightly along the sides of her knees. Rey’s mental attentions had been focused on the departing soldiers, but her eyes snapped to his. They were filled with affection.</p><p>“Mostly I had to find a way to hide how tall you are, you great wroshyr tree.”</p><p>That was the moment Ben knew he loved her.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>Rey insisted on doubling back through the woods several times, a skill she apparently picked up throwing off less talented scavengers on Jakku. At one point, they saw a First Order patrol in the distance, headed toward the city, but no evidence that the troops were searching for anyone.</p><p>“You told me Snoke banned anyone from ever saying your real name again. Why put up wanted posters?” she whispered, bending branches quietly out of her way.</p><p>“He can’t announce to the galaxy that Kylo Ren betrayed him. That would undermine his authority, make him look weak. Particularly if your junior spy ring was right about the Resistance destroying Starkiller Base. This way, every planet under First Order control is off-limits to us, and he sends me a message directly.”</p><p>“Maybe, but he also sent a message to your parents, didn’t he? Their son has finally broken free from that vicious beast. I’ll bet they’re looking for you, too.”</p><p>Ben stumbled over a root in the dark. In the confusion of fleeing the city, he hadn’t had time to think through the implications of being a wanted man. But Rey was right; his parents would certainly know that the First Order had put a price on his head. What would they make of it? Would they be happy, thinking he had finally begun to claw his way back to the path of the Light? More likely, they had grown so used to Ben disappointing them over the years that they wouldn’t even care. <em>Rey doesn’t believe that,</em> the more rational part of his mind prodded him; <em>and her perspective is less jaded than mine.</em></p><p>It was nearly midnight by the time they reached the safety of the freighter. There was no sign that anyone else had disturbed it. As Ben prepared the ship for take-off, Rey climbed into the co-pilot’s chair. “Of everything that happened today, the thing I find most incredible is that anyone wanted those bloody monkey ears,” she said, and Ben laughed.</p><p>“You should do that more often, it makes your face even nicer,” she observed. Ben’s cheeks burned. He had never thought of his own face as being particularly nice.</p><p>“There’s something I need to tell you,” Rey burst out, spinning her chair to face him. “I’ve wanted to for a while now but I wasn’t sure how. When I was on Takodana, Han took us to see this unusual person. Her name was—”</p><p>“Maz Kanata,” Ben supplied.</p><p>“Yes,” Rey agreed. “Do you know her?”</p><p>“Maz kept a public house on that planet for a thousand years. There’s no other reason to go to Takodana.” He felt a surge of guilt as he remembered the devastation he had witnessed, the last time he saw Maz’s castle. He may not have personally ordered it but he felt responsible, just the same.</p><p>“When I was there I heard the strangest sound, like a voice and a song and a pulling sensation all tangled together. It called to me. I don’t know how else to explain it. I followed the sound down into the cellar and I found…a lightsaber. When I touched it, I had a vision.”</p><p>“What was Maz doing with a lightsaber?”</p><p>“I don’t know. She said it belonged to Luke Skywalker and his father. When I touched the grip, the whole world shifted around me. I saw flashes of things. At the time, I didn’t understand them. But now I do. They were almost all about you.”</p><p>“About me?”</p><p>“Yes. And then Maz discovered me and told me to stop clinging to the past. To stop trying to get back to Jakku. She told me that what I really needed was coming in my future. Five minutes later, I saw you in the forest.”</p><p>Rey reached out a hand. Ben swallowed hard, then wrapped it in his own.</p><p>“I didn’t want to believe any of it at first. When we got to Aeos and I realized I’d been dreaming about it all my life…it was too much. I never put much faith in destiny or anything like that before. But now?”</p><p>“Now?” he questioned faintly.</p><p>“Now I do,” she said simply. “I believe in destiny. I believe in you.”</p><p>The final splinter of something that had lodged in Ben’s heart for as long as he could remember dissolved. He pulled Rey’s hand gently and she crossed the aisle separating them and settled on his legs. He pushed a dark curl of hair behind her ear and ran his thumb across her cheek.</p><p>“Are you sure?” he asked. He had to give her every chance to change her mind.</p><p>Her answer was to cover his lips with her own.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is that the last of it?” Rey called, as Ben climbed up the incline to pour a large container of water into the crate in front of her.</p><p>“Yes, except for the two I kept back for drinking water,” he answered.</p><p>It was a hot, cloudless day. Summer had arrived on the northern hemisphere of Aeos. It was Rey’s idea to move one of the smaller crates—now empty—out under the sun, and fill it with some of the many containers of rain water they had collected over the past few weeks. She planned to bathe in it and wash their clothes. She had even bought a small bar of bright green soap on Tiilk.</p><p>“Who goes first?” Rey asked, her voice higher pitched than usual.</p><p>“It was your idea. You get the cleanest water. I’ll come back later.”</p><p>“You don’t have to leave.” Her face was as crimson as he had seen it. “You could just…turn around?”</p><p>Ben looked at her, eyes wide, then turned and perched awkwardly on the rocks. He hadn’t thought she would want him to stay. The fact that Rey was a few feet behind him, quietly peeling off layer after layer, was the most arousing and terrifying thing that had ever happened to him.</p><p>“I won’t wash the clothes yet,” she was saying, voice muffled by her wraps. “That way the water will be cleaner for you. I can wash them all together, uh, after.”</p><p>Ben heard a soft splash. She was in the makeshift tub. He chanced a glimpse over his shoulder and saw the pile of fabrics that usually hid Rey from his view. They were still warm from her body. They smelled like her. His mouth went dry.</p><p>For a few minutes, he listened to the surf and the call of the birds, and the gentle back-and-forth of the water in the crate as Rey soaped and rinsed. He tried not to picture what was happening behind him. He failed dismally.</p><p>“Can I tell you something?” she said quietly. “It’s mortifying, but with you over there trying so hard not to look in this direction, it’s a bit easier to say.”</p><p>Ben inclined his face a few inches, so she could see he was listening.</p><p>“I grew up alone on Jakku. You know that, obviously, but what I mean is that there were no other people my age. There was no one…I never formed any attachments to anyone, if you know what I mean.”</p><p>He knew what she meant.</p><p>“I don’t really know anything about…anything. I probably wouldn’t be very good at…I mean, at first. I’m willing to learn, obviously, which is to say…”</p><p>“Rey,” he interrupted. “Stop, please. I understand.”</p><p>“You do?” she asked, then let out a shuddering breath that made his stomach give a little lurch. “What am I saying, of course you do. I’m not being particularly suave about it, am I?”</p><p>“Don’t do that.” He pulled savagely at small clumps of white flowers springing up between the stones. It gave him something to do with his agitation, with the hands he was now imagining at very different tasks.</p><p>The water sloshed loudly. She was moving. “Ben, look at me?”</p><p>He shifted around. Rey had moved to the side of the crate closest to him and turned, so her back was facing him.</p><p>“Will you help me wash my hair?” He heard the tremor behind the invitation.</p><p>The soap made a soft green sea foam of a coating on the water. Ben crouched behind the crate and found it low enough that he could reach over the sides. Rey kept her eyes fixed on the horizon, handing him the bar of soap without looking back. She seemed to be holding her breath. She pitched forward slightly, affording him a view of smooth brown shoulders. Her hair was already wet, and hung in thick ropes down her back.</p><p>In the days since they returned from Tiilk, they had built a quiet intimacy that neither had known before. They held hands as they sat by the ocean. They kissed often, sweet embraces flavored with the promise of something more. And they slept side-by-side on the freighter floor, no longer separated by partitions of durasteel. Ben drifted off to the steady cadence of Rey’s breath. He already couldn’t imagine sleeping alone again. He reminded himself daily that it was all more than he deserved.</p><p>The soap had a spicy scent, and was somewhat course to the touch. He wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed, so he ran it across his own palms then massaged the foam onto Rey’s head. She leaned back into his hands, closing her eyes. Ben never touched, or was touched, except to inflict physical pain. Putting his hands on Rey only to bring her comfort—pleasure, even—was entirely unfamiliar. More than anything he wanted to bury his face in the curve at the base of her neck and taste her sun-warmed skin. Instead, he satisfied himself with teasing small tangles out of her hair. She hummed in contentment.</p><p>“I grew up alone, too. I was shipped off to Skywalker’s school when I was ten. Jedi don’t believe in…attachments.” Rey was right; it was easier to talk when she wasn’t looking at him. Still, his final admission tumbled out. “I don’t know anything about anything, either.”</p><p>Her eyes flew open. “Really?”</p><p>He nodded, then focused on scooping handfuls of water up to clear the soap from her hair.</p><p>“I just thought,” she murmured, “I mean, I assumed…you’re so…”</p><p>“What?” His hand hung suspended, moisture trickling down into his sleeve.</p><p>Rey sat forward, pulling her knees above the water to rest under her chin. It was just as well; the foam of the soap was dissolving in the heat, and the ghostly outline of her shape became clearer each moment.</p><p>“You’re…I don’t know. There’s something about you. It <em>drew</em> me, even when I thought I should hate you. Obviously, you’re…” she faltered, “you’re handsome. But it’s more than that. You’re…compelling. I would have thought someone…”</p><p>“No. No one,” Ben replied, shaking his head rather too vigorously, his ears ringing with <em>handsome</em> and <em>compelling</em>. He had never in his life thought of himself as being attractive. He was too much, in every way. Too tall, too ungainly, too angry and intemperate. He remembered a Senate colleague of his mother’s describing him as “sweet but chaotic,” which was one of the nicer comments anyone made in his hearing.</p><p>“Would you hand me the—” Rey motioned toward a folded square of fabric on the ground. She had held back a few bolts of Han’s smuggled cloth from their trading run to Tiilk. When Ben asked about them, and the soap, Rey had told him firmly that she had no intention of ever being left behind again.</p><p>Ben stood, careful to turn away as he did, and handed Rey back the slippery pale-purple material. Water spilled over as she stepped out of the crate. “You can look now,” she said shyly.</p><p>The cloth clung to her wet skin. The afternoon air was thickly humid, even with the wind off the ocean. It might take a long time for anything to dry in this weather. Ben realized if he didn’t climb into the tub soon he was going to embarrass both of them. Rey’s thoughts seemed to follow a similar path. “I’ll just sit over there,” she said, nodding toward the spot he had left.</p><p>She arranged herself, and the fabric billowing around her, on the rocks. Then she combed through her hair with her fingers, and began to weave it together into a loose braid down her shoulder. It reminded Ben of something, a story he had read as a boy, of an ethereal water creature who could be compelled to love the one who snatched one of her deadly golden scales. He had liked the story at first. Then he thought about how sad it was to have to compel someone to love you, and whether that was really love at all. He never read the story again.</p><p>He pulled off his boots, then reached up over his head to tug off the black knit jersey. The crate was definitely too small to fit him comfortably. He thought of his large shower on the <em>Finalizer</em>. It was the one thing he missed about the First Order. Rey was right about that, too.</p><p>How bizarre to stand naked in the sunlight, with Rey sitting feet away. In some ways, his life for the past few years had been an unending night. Being in deep space for months at a time affected the body and mind, everyone knew that. But it was more than that. Ben felt as though he were waking up from a long sleep, coming back into himself. He remembered Han telling him the story of being frozen in carbonite, and how his beloved Leia had come to his rescue. <em>The crazy things you do for love, kid. Someday you’ll understand. </em>Someday.</p><p>He wedged himself into the crate as best he could. It was too short for his legs, but the water felt good and smelled better than he must after weeks without washing properly. He tried not to think too much about what might have motivated Rey to suggest they do this.</p><p>“Can I help?” she asked. He was so distracted he hadn’t heard her come closer. She took the bar of soap and began to work the suds through his hair. Her hands were capable and gentle. He felt the stubborn callus at the base of her thumb. It was amazing that she trusted him enough to allow him to learn her so intimately. Amazing that she seemed to enjoy touching him almost as much as he enjoyed her touch.</p><p>Her hands left his hair and slid down his neck, trailing soap bubbles across his shoulders.  </p><p>“Why don’t we sleep up in the tower tonight?” she suggested softly.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>The tower proved cooler and more comfortable for sleeping than the freighter. Rey found the smoothest spot on the floor to lay out the bolts of fabric.</p><p>“What do you think of my handiwork?” she asked, patting the ground beside her. “I mean, shimmersilks and cerlins and—I don’t even know what this is—are probably pretty standard bedding for princes, for all I know.”</p><p>Ben studied the translucent, silvery fiber, so fine he could tear it with slightest pressure of his fingertips. “Loveti moth, I’m guessing. Very expensive.”</p><p>Rey bit back a smile.</p><p>“What’s funny?” he asked.</p><p>“Don’t get cross,” she implored. “I can’t help but think about Han. He had no idea when he left these things behind that all these years later, his son would be using them.” She whispered dramatically, “With a girl.”</p><p>“I suppose I should be grateful he always stole the very best,” Ben joked, but even as he said it, he realized he didn’t feel the same level of fury towards his parents he had for so long. He wasn’t sure if his distance from Snoke and the Dark Side was changing his perspective on things. Maybe it was just being close to Rey. He couldn’t honestly say he had forgiven them for giving up on him all those years ago. He just no longer wanted to dedicate all his energy to resenting them. It was too exhausting.</p><p>Rey was still wrapped in the pale-purple cloth, flowing around her like a gown. Her hair had dried into wild waves. In the reddish glow of the setting sun, her freckles stood out vividly on her fair skin. Ben reached out a finger to trace them across her cheek, remembering the interrogation room, when the thought of them had altered the course of his future. It seemed a lifetime ago.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about Han Solo,” he said, teasing a single curl free and watching it spring back against Rey’s neck.</p><p>“Fair,” she replied, leaning over to press her lips against the corner of his mouth.</p><p>“Rey, are you sure—”</p><p>“Yes,” she answered readily. “I’m sure. And you really don’t have to keep asking.”</p><p>Not so long ago, Ben had thought that sparring with Rey was the best thing he had ever done. He was wrong. <em>Force</em>, she was beautiful, strong and certain when she reached for him. The Loveti moth paled next to the long stretches of impossibly soft skin on her back and legs. And the sounds she made when he touched her—he was certain he’d remember them ‘til his last days. He thought fleetingly of the Jedi and the Sith bickering over peace and passion; he knew now that both had gotten it wrong. Passion was as essential to life as breathing, but only in the midst of true passion could be found the deepest kind of peace—of belonging. He was where he was supposed to be. This woman was his destiny. So long as he was with her, he was on the right path.</p><p>He wasn’t prepared for the intensity of his response, as Rey held him tightly and cried his true name. It felt as if he were being claimed, as if she seared his skin with her lips and hands and marked him as hers. He had never felt anything more powerful than joining with her and in that instant, his barriers fell and the Force blazed around them with the white-hot brilliance of the heart of a star. He could hear her thoughts, feel the sensation of his own touch from her skin. The color and sound and vibration of everything around them flooded his mind. Rey felt it, too. Her eyes flew open and locked onto his as the music of the heavens enveloped them. She looked awestruck.</p><p>They lay together in the dark, listening to the roll of the surf in the distance. Ben’s heart thudded painfully in his chest. Beyond the Light, beyond the song of life and the radiance of the woman he held close in his arms, he could feel something else. Shadows slunk in, almost imperceptible beyond the boundaries of his awareness. He had been afraid that day on the rock, when he severed himself from the Force, sure the whole universe would feel the shock waves of his connection with Rey. That had been nothing compared to the magnitude of this night. He had everything he ever wanted, but he had just made a mistake that might cost him everything.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Rey whispered, her breath warm against his chest. He couldn’t hide his emotions from her anymore. They were one in every way that mattered.</p><p>Ben knew what he had to do. He would protect her from Snoke or die trying.</p><p>“We have to leave,” he said. “Now.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>TRAITOR!</em>
</p><p>Ben struggled to ignore the relentless, screaming tirade.</p><p>
  <em>UNGRATEFUL WRETCHED CHILD! I <strong>MADE</strong> YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?</em>
</p><p>He shook his head absently, desperate to concentrate as he powered up the freighter for take-off.</p><p>
  <em>WHEN I HAVE YOU, YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU WERE EVER BORN!</em>
</p><p>His fingers shook slightly as he checked each setting, each reading. Where was Rey?</p><p>
  <em>I WILL DESTROY HER, AND YOU, AND EVERYONE YOU EVER CARED FOR!</em>
</p><p>“<em>Force</em>, doesn’t he ever shut up?” she yelled from the back. “Everything is secure. We’re clear back here.” She raced into the cockpit, tying her hair into a tangled knot at the base of her neck. He expected her to sit in the co-pilot chair but instead she crouched down at his side.</p><p>“Ben,” she said, tugging his chair to swivel toward her, “Come here.”</p><p>“What—” There was no time. They had to get airborne, now.</p><p>Rey pulled him down, bringing their foreheads together. She put her hands on either side of his face and closed her eyes. He was dumbfounded. Was this the moment…? But then he felt her energy, her Light, flowing through him. Its tendrils wove around him like a pulsating cocoon. Snoke’s voice fell away, still there but distant. Manageable.</p><p>Rey sat back on the floor, trying to catch her breathe.</p><p>“Are you alright?” he asked, lifting her into the seat. “You shouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>“It was purely selfish, believe me. If I had to listen to his kriffing screech for one more second…” Rey eyed him in disbelief. Her voice ached with compassion. “How did you ever stand it for so long, Ben?”</p><p>He didn’t know, and he couldn’t think about that now. About all the years lost. The chances wasted. The people he pushed away.</p><p>Instead, he focused on getting the freighter up and out of the cavern, leaving Aeos behind as quickly as possible. They had to get to a jump point. But where to go?</p><p>Rey could hear his thoughts as easily as if he were speaking to her.</p><p>“The BB unit said the Resistance base was in—”<br/><br/>“The Ileenium system, I know. That’s what Starkiller was targeting when we escaped. Even if they did manage to destroy the weapon before it fired, Snoke would have sent every ship he had in retaliation. There’s probably nothing left of that base but a smoking crater.”</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered in terror, “can he hear us? Will he know no matter where we go?”</p><p>“I don’t think so,” he answered. “I think he was able to find me when we…when I reconnected to the Force. I’ve been shielding my thoughts from him since, but it was too much effort to block his thoughts out at the same time. Until you helped. Thank you for that. I’m sorry you had to hear it.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare!” she said fiercely. “Don’t you dare apologize to me for being targeted by that monster.”</p><p>They were too far from the jump. Time wasn’t on their side. They weren’t going to make it. Ben beat down his rising panic. He had to get Rey out of here. If only they had a faster ship…</p><p>And then he knew what to do. Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner?</p><p>“What are you doing?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Sending out a distress call.”</p><p>“A distress call? We’re near Wild Space. There may not be anyone close enough to help. And wouldn’t that just put someone else in danger?”</p><p>Ben licked his lips nervously. “This distress call is for one particular person.” One who may not hear it. One who may not come, even if he did.</p><p>“When I was a kid,” he explained, keying in to the frequency he needed, “and my dad started taking me on his…excursions, he told me that if we ever got separated—if I ever got into trouble of any kind—I should send him a distress call on one specific frequency. It matched my birthday, so I’d never forget it.”</p><p>Rey listened silently, eyes wet with tears.</p><p>“This may not work. It was twenty years ago. He may have forgotten. There’s no logical reason to think—”</p><p>“They’re looking for you, Ben. I know it,” she countered. “Your father <em>and</em> your mother.”</p><p>He prayed she was right. It was their only hope.</p><p>Because that was the moment the <em>Finalizer</em> came out of hyperspace.</p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>He really, really hated Armitage Hux. The gloating look on Hux’s face was enough to make him vomit.</p><p>“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the great Kylo Ren. Or should I say, rebel scum and traitor Ben Solo? Blood will tell, after all.” Hux approached them in the massive landing bay, a triumphant smile plastered on his stupid, smug face. “I did warn you not to let your personal feelings get in the way of your duty to the Supreme Leader. You should have listened to your betters,” he spat.</p><p>They had been dragged off the freighter by nearly twenty stormtroopers. At least a hundred more were waiting in the bay. Ben’s lightsaber had been confiscated; a trooper handed it to Hux as he watched. Hux looked at the weapon distastefully, and tossed it without comment to a subordinate.</p><p>The general approached Rey with evident curiosity. “I admit, I could hardly believe it when I heard that Kylo Ren had deserted for a pair of pretty eyes. I thought you were more machine than man.” He grabbed Rey’s chin, yanking her face up roughly. “You’d have spared yourself a lot of trouble by simply visiting a pleasure house. She’s not even pretty, for all that.”</p><p>All the rage that Ben felt, toward Snoke, toward his own helplessness, he directed at Hux. He reached out with the Force and felt the great satisfaction of closing the other man’s throat. Hux coughed and sputtered, but then the general raised his hand, and as if on cue, all the closest troopers turned their weapons on Rey. The message was clear. Ben released his hold.</p><p>Hux wheezed and straightened his collar with affected dignity. “Did you really think we wouldn’t expect you to try that? I have clear instructions from Supreme Leader Snoke, traitor. If you make any move to escape or injure any First Order personnel, I am to kill the girl slowly and painfully. While you watch.”</p><p>Hux snapped his fingers, and an executioner trooper emerged from the rear guard, his laser ax hissing and crackling with blue energy. Hux grabbed the weapon from the trooper and walked menacingly toward Rey. He suddenly pivoted and drove a glancing blow with the ax into Ben’s right side. The pain was excruciating. He smelled his own flesh burning. Rey screamed his name as his knees hit the floor of the hangar.</p><p>Hux loomed over him, his face contorted in undisguised loathing. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want any such thing to happen to your little desert rat, traitor. So I suggest you behave.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~<br/><br/></p><p>Ben paced the length of his cell, like the exotic animals in the zoo on Chandrila he visited as a boy. He’d been locked inside for untold hours while the <em>Finalizer</em> rendezvoused with the <em>Supremacy</em>. Every few minutes he pounded a fist into the wound on his side, releasing a fresh wave of agony. He needed the pain to keep him alert, to keep his mind and powers ready for the final reckoning he was careening toward. A trail of bright red blood marked his path around the room.</p><p>He could feel Rey, her presence in the Force blazing elsewhere in the detention area. She wasn’t hurt. She was alone, like he was, and frightened more for him and his injury than she was for herself.</p><p>He wanted to see her. To hold her in his arms one more time. To have come so close to happiness and to lose it now…</p><p>The sound of the electrical systems dropped away suddenly. The room was totally quiet. Even the air felt still. What was happening?</p><p>“Ben!” Rey yelped behind him. He spun around to find her launching off the cell bunk. She collided hard with his chest. The pain from his side stole his breath, even as he grabbed her tight. She tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let her. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter,” he gasped, pressing desperate kisses to her hair and face. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Me? I’m fine. You’re the one that’s hurt. Oh, Ben. Why do you keep hitting yourself? The pain is unbearable.”</p><p>There was a more important question. “How are you here?” he demanded.</p><p>She looked around. “What do you mean? I’m in my cell. I thought you—”</p><p>“I’m in my cell.”</p><p>She looked as confused as he felt. “Is this something that happens? When people are connected in the Force, I mean? The way I can read your thoughts and you can read mine?”</p><p>“I’ve heard of Force projection, but the effort of that would kill either one of us. This is…something else.”</p><p>“I don’t care what it is, or how it’s happening. I’m just glad you’re here,” she said in a rush, burying her face in his neck. Her hair still smelled of the spicy green soap. Had that really only been earlier today?</p><p>“Come and sit,” she pleaded, pulling him to the bunk. She pushed his hands away and carefully lifted the tattered black fabric of his shirt from the wound. It was soaked through with his blood.</p><p>“Leave it,” he said. “It’s fine. I can use it.”</p><p>“Use the agony you’re in? I can feel it too, remember. It’s not fine at all.”</p><p>“Rey, the Dark Side uses pain to fuel power. It could help me. In a fight.”</p><p>She regarded him skeptically. “You don’t honestly think that’s what’s going to happen? Snoke is going to let us fight for a chance to live? We’re hopelessly outnumbered, Ben. We have to accept that. Now let me help you.”</p><p>He didn’t have a chance to ask what she could possibly do before she laid both her hands over his injury. She leaned forward, closing her eyes, and Ben felt a kind of heat gathering just beneath the points of contact. He gasped at a pulling and tugging of his flesh. He could sense the edges of the wound knitting closer together. <em>How are you doing this? </em>he managed. It took too much effort to speak.</p><p>Rey fell against his shoulder, panting. He wiped the hem of the shirt across his stomach. Under the blood, the flesh was pink and whole. She had healed him completely. This astonishing woman, who defied everything he thought he understood about the Force, about life. She had no formal training, no ancient knowledge. All she had were her capable hands, her ferocious protectiveness, her generous spirit, her open heart. And it was enough to heal him. In every way.</p><p>He pulled her onto his lap. “You have to stop doing that, Rey. You need your own strength. Stop giving it to me.”</p><p>“It doesn’t work like that, Ben. Can’t you feel it? Every time we give energy to each other, it…grows. I get stronger when I help you, when we help each other.”</p><p>He didn’t have time to consider her words. They both felt the squadron of troopers approaching the cell block. They must have dropped out of hyperspace already. It was time.</p><p>“Listen to me.” She grabbed fistfuls of his collar in her urgency. “The Force did not bring us together after all this time for it to end like this. I meant what I said. I believe in destiny. I believe in you, Ben Solo.” She kissed him roughly, like that first day in the sunshine of Aeos. “Hold on to that. No matter what happens. It’s not the Dark Side that will bring us through this. It’s love. I lo—”</p><p>But in the blink of his eye, she was gone.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their chief advantage, Ben decided as a guard roughly shoved him from the turbolift, was Snoke’s cruelty.</p><p>Snoke wasn’t going to kill them quickly. He was going to revel in torturing them. That would give Ben time to…to do what, he didn’t know. But where there was life, there was hope. Or at least, as long as Rey was alive, Ben would do everything in his power to get her out of here. With or without him.</p><p>It had been perhaps two months since he was last in this room. It might as well have been another lifetime. Snoke perched at one end, as eager for blood as the rapacious Wyyyschokks Chewbacca had introduced into his nightmares as a child.</p><p>A second guard hit him hard in the side with the butt of his blaster. They didn’t know Rey had healed his bloody wound. But Hux had clearly given permission to abuse him in any way the troopers saw fit. Ben prayed that authorization extended only to him, not to Rey. He was counting on Snoke wanting her alive.</p><p>When they were halfway to the throne, Ben heard the turbolift doors hiss open again, and felt Rey being pulled into the room. His anxiety was momentarily tempered by relief. Perhaps together they could find some way out of this, at least for her.</p><p>
  <em>Remember what I said. Remember…remember.</em>
</p><p>Rey’s thoughts echoed through his mind like a mantra. He could sense her terror but underneath that, as solid as a wall of durasteel, her resolve.</p><p>
  <em>We’ll make it through this, Ben. I know it. Believe in me. Believe in yourself.</em>
</p><p>He was shoved to his knees before the dais. Seconds later, Rey was thrown down beside him. Her hands were shackled, as his were.</p><p>“The young lovers. How touching,” Snoke rasped, his voice heavy with derision. He ran his fingers idly along the hilt of Ben’s lightsaber, lying on the arm of the chair. It was such a violation, to see Snoke handling something so personal to him, such an extension of himself, that he nearly retched.</p><p>“So this is the scavenger for whom you betrayed me and forfeited your life,” Snoke sneered at Rey, but Ben had learned not to underestimate him. The Supreme Leader knew a potential asset when he saw one.</p><p>Rey said nothing. She wasn’t looking at Snoke. Out of the corner of his eye, Ben could see her head was turned slightly. She was focused on the lightsaber. Her breathing was steady and even. He thought of the day on Starkiller Base, and Rey’s cool-headedness even in the gravest danger. <em>But she didn’t escape that day,</em> a voice deep inside reminded him.</p><p>Snoke pushed himself up from the chair. He enjoyed looming over his victims. Ben had been in this exact position enough times to know that now the pain would begin.</p><p>“Pathetic weakling. Did you really think you could escape? There is nowhere in the galaxy you could ever hide from me. I have been inside your mind, and the minds of everyone around you, since before you were even born. You are mine, worthless ingrate. And now she is mine, too.” He leaned over Rey, raising a palm into the air. Her face turned up, clearly against her will. Snoke smiled benignly. “Would you like to see how I deal with those who betray me, child?”</p><p>Ben’s cuffs dropped off. Snoke shot out a hand toward him and he felt himself lifted off the ground. His body caught fire and his head exploded in agony. Snoke was clawing his brain into pieces. He was dimly aware of the sound of his own screaming. Images began to flash through his mind, disjointed, as Snoke rummaged through his memories. The stone column lashed by rain; Rey spinning in the summer sunshine; his father watching him as a boy from the top of the path; Rey’s face when she—</p><p><em>No! </em>That was not for Snoke. Ben fought back with all his might, trying to push the older man out, to erect any kind of protection for his fragile psyche. Snoke battered his mental defenses as relentlessly as the First Order conducted all its invasions. Ben felt himself losing, felt the sharp, cold talons redoubling their efforts to shred loose everything precious to him.</p><p>But then something shifted. He heard a sort of music. He recognized it without remembering how. And then he knew. It was the strange resonance he and Rey had shared that first day. It flared up between them now, and somehow Snoke was driven out of his head. Ben slammed painfully into the floor, knocking the air from his lungs. He opened his eyes to find Rey, on her feet, standing between him and Snoke. He couldn’t see her face, but her voice was feral fury.</p><p>“Leave him alone, you monster!” she screamed.</p><p>Snoke looked mildly shocked. His red-clad guards, stationed around the perimeter of the room, sprang to life, brandishing various deadly weapons. The Supreme Leader indicated that they should stand down with a single, dismissive wave of his hand. Clearly, he did not feel threatened in the least. He began to laugh pitilessly. Ben’s blood ran cold.</p><p>“How dare you speak to me in such a fashion,” Snoke drawled. “Do you imagine you have some claim on him, my unworthy apprentice? Because you enthralled him and offered him the opportunity to act on his baser urges? Did you think you could guide him back to the Light through your pretty thighs?” He stalked down the dais toward her, but Rey never gave an inch. “You have no idea what you are dealing with, little girl,” Snoke spat. “But I will teach you.”</p><p>A look of pure viciousness came over his scarred face. He reached up both of his hands, and blasted Rey back across the room with arcs of lightening from his gnarled fingers. Her body convulsed even as she skidded into the far wall with a sickening thud. Ben rolled over, trying to pull himself up to intervene, but Snoke turned a hand on him, shocking him almost out of consciousness. When his vision finally cleared, he could still see the wisps of smoke wafting off his own skin.</p><p>
  <em>remember Ben remember hold on…</em>
</p><p>She was whispering in his mind even now. Ben dragged himself to where she was struggling to sit up. He pulled her into his arms, tossing her charred cuffs aside.</p><p>Snoke stepped off the dais, chuckling.</p><p>“Always so sentimental, boy. I warned you, did I not, that it would be your undoing?”</p><p>Every part of Ben hurt. His mind was blank. He could see no way out. Snoke was regarding him in a way that suggested the older man was enjoying this game and not inclined to end it too quickly. It was just as Ben had hoped and feared. He dreaded whatever was coming next.</p><p>The Supreme Leader decided to change tactics. His tone became warm, appealing. “Was I not a good and generous master? You have wronged me, my apprentice. Did I not give you everything you asked for: power, comforts, ancient knowledge? Is the Dark Side not fed by our deepest desires? Had you only asked—but it is too late now. Unless…” He seemed to consider something, but Ben knew Snoke and his manipulations well enough to recognize all of this as one more lie.</p><p>Snoke retraced his steps up to the throne and sat heavily. “I am too generous, to be sure. But I was a young man once. I remember the fascinations of the flesh all too well. So I will offer you one final chance to save yourself, young Ren. Now that you have satisfied your carnal appetites with this desert scum, I will allow you to earn my forgiveness for your cowardly betrayal. You may yet be of some use to me, after several years of correction.” Ben helped Rey to her feet, never loosening his hold on her. He knew precisely what Snoke was going to say before the words ever reached his ears. There was only one punishment brutal enough to satisfy his sadistic nature. “All you must do to save yourself is kill the girl.”</p><p>Was there really a time when he had believed this creature to be his mentor, his protector? How could he ever have been so blind? Snoke could barely contain his own amusement at the devil’s bargain he had devised. Not that even that was real; Ben knew full well that Snoke looked forward to killing him before Rey’s body was cold. Her fingers dug into his arm. She didn’t actually believe he would hurt her? No, this was something else. One glance at her face told him that something was about to happen.</p><p>In the distance, an explosion sounded. Then another, closer by. The third actually shook the room a bit. An alarm began to sound, its echo carried up the turbolift shaft. The <em>Supremacy</em> was under attack.</p><p>Snoke flicked two fingers in the air. A wall to their right parted, revealing itself to be a massive red curtain covering a floor-to-ceiling window. Dozens of Resistance ships were swarming the <em>Supremacy</em>, raining fire and destruction on its surface. As Ben watched, dumbfounded, a ship with a familiar outline streaked past the window.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey gasped, her eyes blazing. “They came for you! I told you they would.”</p><p>“Pathetic girl. Do you honestly think that pitiful rabble is any match for the power of this mega-destroyer?” But even as Snoke spoke, more ships were dropping out of hyperspace, a cluster of bombers and a fleet of X-wings to defend them as they moved into position. Ben’s eyes followed only the <em>Falcon</em>, as it zig-zagged across the starfield, cutting through swathes of TIE fighters as it went. Was Rey right? Were his parents here to save them?</p><p>Snoke must have felt the knife of hope that sliced through Ben’s fear. “You have tried my patience long enough, failed apprentice. I am going to kill you and the girl. Then I will destroy the Resistance, and both your parents, once and for all.”</p><p>With that, Ben’s lightsaber flew into the air and ignited. It sped, blade out, straight at Rey’s chest. Ben jumped in front of her, holding up both hands to stop the saber in mid-air. Snoke launched up out of his chair. The two men stood, arms extended, the deadly weapon hovering between them. Slowly the blade bore down on Ben.</p><p>Snoke’s guards, seeing their master threatened, moved as one toward the center of the room. Ben felt a surge of power behind him, as Rey turned and blasted them all away with the Force. She placed her back against his, her hand strong on his thigh, and he felt their minds—and powers—merge. The saber retreated toward Snoke.</p><p>
  <em>remember together…stronger together…</em>
</p><p>An extraordinary field of energy pulsed around them. Ben mounted the dais, inching gradually closer to Snoke. It was like trying to push a freighter by hand. He grunted with the effort, but with Rey at his side he might succeed. She was somehow holding the guards at bay. He filled his mind with an image of the day they first saw each other, in the forest of Takodana, and Rey jolted with understanding. The next guard that leapt forward was knocked unconscious. She pulled the man’s weapon to her with the Force, and brandished it with a savage roar.</p><p>Snoke was growling at Ben, baring yellowed teeth as the younger man drove him back toward the throne. Even with Rey’s help, they were so evenly matched it was a near standstill.</p><p>Remember, she kept telling him. Remember what, exactly? <em>I love her, </em>he thought with a swell of heat. <em>Loving her is the best thing I have ever done. She is leaving here alive. With me. I’m going to see my parents again. I’m going to have a chance at a real life. With her. And my family.</em></p><p>The bond between them burned so intensely the air buckled and rippled. Ben’s pain receded. He could see the Force rolling around him, tethering him to Rey. He could hear her breath, feel the blood in her veins. He could taste the fiery spirit of her. She was glorious, invincible; none of the guards had a prayer of getting past her if Ben’s life was on the line.</p><p>He glared at Snoke. This husk of a man had ruined his entire life. Driven him from his parents. Poisoned his uncle and friends against him. Made him an outcast and a wanted criminal. Left him broken, crippled in so many ways. Hatred seared through him. The lightsaber quavered, tilting back in his direction.</p><p><em>Ben! </em>Rey reached for him in panic. <em>Hold onto the Light! I love you!</em></p><p>She loved him. No matter what else he had done with his wasted years, he had somehow earned Rey’s love. He would not allow Snoke, or anyone else in the universe, to take that from him.</p><p>He focused every ouch of strength he had left, filled his mind and heart with the delicious, shattering resonance of her love with his, and pushed. The lightsaber swung easily, as if released from a restraint, and sliced Snoke neatly in half. He looked surprised for just a beat, before the top of his scarred body fell dead.</p><p>Rey’s relief was tangible. She was holding five guards at bay, the three others lying crumpled on the floor. With his lightsaber back in hand, Ben killed three of the sentries as Rey finished the final two. For a moment, they stood panting into the silence, staring at each other in shock. Neither could believe they were still alive.</p><p>The <em>Supremacy</em> was rocking under a heavy barrage of bombers and fighters. Outside the window, they could see fires burning across the wingspan of the destroyer. As they watched, a massive Resistance ship, clearly damaged beyond repair, steered itself in its final flight, straight into what Ben knew to be the command bridge. He only hoped Hux was there to see it coming.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey stammered, as the ship shuddered beneath them. “We have to get out of here.”</p><p>She was right. Even now, the generals might descend to consult Snoke on the attack. He grabbed her hand. “Come on,” he said, leading her toward the turbolift.</p><p>“Wait,” she answered. She grabbed his neck, yanking him down for a ferocious kiss that left him slightly dizzy. She pressed her cheek against his. “For luck,” she whispered.<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>The <em>Supremacy</em> was bedlam. Lights were flashing, alarms blaring. Frantic announcements ordered personnel to areas in need of damage control. The ship was listing to port; Ben knew the stabilizing systems must have been destroyed. Explosions were coming so rapidly he wondered idly where the Resistance had found so much ammunition.</p><p>They managed to reach the hangar without running into any more troops. It was seriously damaged. Their freighter had a pile of smoldering materials that used to be the ceiling on top of it. There were no other ships in this bay. As they scanned the space, trying to decide what to do, another blast occurred. This one blocked the door behind them. The air was thick with acrid smoke. They were trapped.</p><p>Rey leaned against Ben’s shoulder. “First day in a burning hangar, last day in a burning hangar.” She smiled tiredly.</p><p>“No, you were the one who told me that we were not meant to die today,” he retorted, kissing her temple.</p><p>“Maybe we weren’t meant to die until we destroyed Snoke. And the First Order.”</p><p>He wrapped an arm around her. “That’s supposed to be my death. Not yours.”</p><p>“You’re not leaving me behind, Ben Solo. Can’t you feel it? You’re the other half of me.” He could feel it. But he could feel something else, too. Something strange.</p><p>He pulled gently away from Rey, making slowly for the enormous hangar door. Through it they could see the chaotic fight still happening in space. “What is it?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Do you—?” Ben began, but before he could finish, the brilliant blue subspace engines of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> roared up from below and filled the expanse of the door. The <em>Falcon’s </em>hatch lowered. Han Solo raced down the ramp, grey hair flying and an oxygen mask barely seated on his face. His eyes desperately searched the <em>Supremacy</em>, blowing wide when he spotted them.</p><p>“Ben!” he yelled. “Come on! We gotta get out here, this wreck’s gonna blow. Rey, jump, dammit!” He motioned frantically at them.</p><p>Rey grabbed Ben’s hand. “I told you,” she beamed.</p><p>And together, they jumped.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the din of the battle and the devastation aboard the <em>Supremacy</em>, it was strangely peaceful when the ramp sealed shut on the <em>Falcon</em>. Ben found himself in his childhood home, face-to-face with his estranged father. Han’s hair was greyer, his eyes more lined, but the smile he gave them was the exact one Ben remembered—crooked, but full of tenderness.</p><p>Han took a half-step closer, looking Ben up and down as though he couldn’t believe the younger man was really there. He raised an unsteady hand to touch Ben’s cheek. “You’re even taller than the last time I saw you,” he teased. “What were they feedin’ you?” It was such an awkward and altogether Han joke to make that Ben’s eyes blurred.</p><p>“Dad…” he tried, but couldn’t get further.</p><p>“I know,” Han said, pulling the younger man into his arms. “I know.”</p><p>“I’m sorry—” Ben stammered, but Han just held him more tightly.</p><p>“Later,” he said shortly. “There’s time for all that later. Right now, just lemme look at you.” He pushed Ben back but still clasped his arms with surprising strength. “We’ve missed you. Your mother…” Han shook his head, “we <em>both</em> missed you like crazy, kid.”</p><p>Hearing Han call him ‘kid’ was more than Ben could take. He broke completely, tears sliding down his face. Rey began to pull away, wanting to give them privacy. That drew both men’s attention. Ben saw Han raise an eyebrow in surprise at their linked hands.</p><p>“I’ll just go and see if Chewie needs help,” Rey offered, but Han wasn’t having it.</p><p>“Oh no, you come here. I got one of these for you, too,” he said, gruff with affection, as he finally let go of Ben and pulled Rey in. She locked eyes with Ben over his father’s shoulder, brushing her own tears away impatiently.</p><p>“We’ve been looking everywhere for you two. After Starkiller we thought maybe you were…” the older man swallowed heavily, “but then the wanted notices went up and we had no idea what was going on.”</p><p>The <em>Falcon</em> banked hard and Han suddenly remembered the fight still raging outside the ship.</p><p>“Come on,” he motioned, heading for the cockpit.</p><p>Rey hurried after him. For a split second, Ben was paralyzed, overwhelmed by the assault of memories that hit him from every direction he chanced to look. The ship was as filthy and decrepit as when he was a child, more so. He choked on a sob of gratitude that he had never accomplished his goal of blasting it out of the sky.</p><p>As he pivoted toward the cockpit, he collided with a massive wall of matted brown fur. Chewbacca had traded places with Rey, and lifted Ben from the floor as easily as a doll. The Wookie’s guttural growl vibrated deep in his chest, as he told Ben that he was a colossal idiot, but Chewie was extremely glad to see him just the same. He smoothed Ben’s hair, then ran for the gun turret.</p><p>Han was contacting the Resistance fleet when Ben finally staggered in, knees trembling. “<em>Falcon</em> to <em>Raddus</em>, come in <em>Raddus</em>.”</p><p>A well-remembered voice filled the air. Ben sank heavily into the chair behind Rey. His legs wouldn’t hold him up any longer.</p><p>“Han? Did you find them? Are they alright?” He could feel his mother’s love and concern as tangibly as anything in this small room. Another wave of regret swallowed him. How had he ever allowed himself to believe his parents didn’t care whether he lived or died? Rey sensed his anguish; she reached back to squeeze his leg in sympathy.</p><p>“I got ‘em. Can we all just get the hell out of here and go home?”</p><p>Through the cockpit window, they watched the <em>Supremacy</em> tilt sideways, its massive wings buckling under the strain of the torque and starting to splinter apart.</p><p>Leia’s tone was pure relief. “Yes, please. Bring them home.”</p><p>Han grinned back at Ben, then nodded toward Rey.</p><p>“Punch it, kid.”</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>Once they jumped to hyperspace, Han insisted they move back to the lounge. They were joined by Chewbacca, who picked Ben up again, to Rey’s delight. Han told them the First Order had been substantially weakened by the loss of Starkiller Base. Finn had spent the months since secretly instigating small-scale stormtrooper defections across the galaxy. The destruction of the <em>Supremacy</em> was the final piece they needed to bring the regime—whatever was left of it—to the table to begin disarmament talks.</p><p>“How did you find us?” Rey asked, munching on a bag of dried fruit that Han tossed her with a wink as soon as she sat.</p><p>Han looked at Ben. “When the wanted posters circulated, and we found out that you’d left Snoke, we put out feelers everywhere trying to find you before he did. Leia told me I was nuts to keep listening to that old channel but—” he smirked, “your mother has her way of holding onto hope and I have mine.”</p><p><em>I told you</em>, Rey’s good-natured gloating floated through Ben’s mind, and he huffed out a laugh in her direction. She was pointedly looking at the fruit with the tiniest of smiles on her lips.</p><p>“So, uh,” Han regarded them slyly, “dare I ask what’s going on here? I mean, it kinda looks like you two are…” he bobbed his head meaningfully.</p><p>Rey nudged Ben’s leg with her foot under the dejarik table. “Ben helped me escape from Starkiller before it was destroyed. He’s saved my life more than once. And he’s been teaching me about the Force while we hid from Snoke.”</p><p>Ben flushed with embarrassment at Rey’s rather skewed description of events. He hadn’t helped her escape so much as forced her to accompany him off-world. He started to say as much but Han exclaimed, “The Force, huh? You another one?” He seemed satisfied for the moment with only Rey’s nod, because his next question was, “Where were you hiding?”</p><p>“Aeos,” she answered. “I understand it’s a popular place for smugglers to lay low.”</p><p>“Aeos?” Han barked a laugh. “I haven’t been there in years. Last time I was there, this one was knee-high to a wart-hornet.” He cuffed Ben’s shoulder warmly, and left his hand there. He still seemed dazed to be talking so matter-of-factly to his boy.</p><p>Chewie reminded Han that they had stowed a load of contraband on Aeos years before, cargo he didn’t think they’d ever gone back for. “You may be right, Chewie,” Han struggled to remember. “You two find anything there?”</p><p>Rey gave Ben a mischievous smile. Her eyes were dancing. “Just some disgusting monkey ears that smelled appalling.”</p><p>“Those things stink, but they’re worth a fortune,” Han began, wagging a finger in her direction. “You could buy a nice little speeder with the credits you’d make off a single case. The older they are, the more they’re worth. Don’t ask me why. They smell worse than the inside of a tauntaun—and believe you me, that’s saying something.”</p><p>“Well, they’re gone now. Sorry,” Rey chuckled. The credits they had worked so hard to earn were also gone, hidden on the freighter in the doomed <em>Supremacy</em>. Ben knew Han wouldn’t care in the least. His father couldn’t seem to stop beaming at both of them.</p><p>“You ok, son?” Han prodded, when the conversation lulled. “You aren’t saying much.”</p><p>There were things he wanted to say, but he had no idea how to put them into words. He decided to start simply. “Thank you for coming to get us. It was more than I had a right to ask, under the circumstances.”</p><p>“Yeah, about that,” Han said. His voice suddenly sounded older, weary. “After you two disappeared, we took that map and Leia and I went to find Luke.” Ben’s shoulders visibly tightened. “I know, kid. Just hear me out, ok? We found him living like a hermit on some island in the middle of nowhere. He, uh, he told us what really happened at the school. He said it was his fault you went over to Snoke.”</p><p>Ben stood abruptly and stalked away from the table. His hands were shaking violently, even balled into fists. Han started again. “We failed you, Ben. All of us. I know you probably don’t want to hear it right now, maybe ever, but you should. We owe it to you to say it. A lot. Luke is sorry, your mother is sorry, and I’m sorry. We didn’t do right by you, son. Whatever happened is—”</p><p>“Don’t!” Ben burst out furiously. “Don’t say it’s your fault. Don’t say all the terrible things I did were not my responsibility. They were and they are.” He felt Rey shift behind him, but when a hand came to rest on his back, it was Han’s. His father looked ten years older than he had just minutes before.</p><p>“There’s more than enough blame to go around, I guess,” he said sorrowfully. “We all get a share. But we were the grown-ups and we…<em>I </em>should have protected you. I didn’t. I should have fought harder to keep you home. You never wanted to be a Jedi. I knew it. I think maybe deep down your mother knew it, too. We just thought we weren’t enough for you. That you needed more than we could give. At the time, we told ourselves we were doing the right thing. We weren’t. I’m sorry, Ben.” His voice cracked.</p><p>For years, Kylo Ren had fantasized about punishing the people who wronged him, inflicting pain as they groveled uselessly for his mercy. Confronted with his father’s real shame and suffering, Ben found he only wanted to end it.</p><p>“I’m sorry, too,” he said mildly. “But sorry doesn’t undo any of the things I did. The people I hurt. Killed. I can’t fix any of that. I appreciate you coming to get us, but I can’t just walk onto that Resistance base and expect Mom to welcome me with open arms. I don’t deserve it. I don’t know what kind of life I could ever hope to have,” he finished, his eyes darting past Han to settle on Rey.</p><p>Facing death at Snoke’s hands, he had allowed himself to reach for the dream of a future with Rey, but his true situation was obvious now. He was a fugitive. The First Order and the Resistance both wanted him dead. There was no happy ending for him.</p><p>“Ben, I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life. I’ve lied, cheated, stolen. I’ve even killed people. And somehow, I found your mother and we made a life together. It wasn’t perfect, but most of it was pretty damn great.” He looked from Ben to Rey and back again. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but you can start over. Look at me. Hell, look at Finn. From stormtrooper to big deal Resistance hero in a couple of months.”</p><p>“Han,” Rey interjected, “does the Resistance know you came to rescue us? Do they know about Ben, that he’s your and Leia’s son?”</p><p>“They know we got a distress call from our son. And they know the First Order was looking for Ben. Maybe one or two people who’ve known Leia a long time have put all the pieces together. But if you’re asking if it’s common knowledge in the ranks that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are the same person, no, it’s not.”</p><p>“Maybe that’s our solution,” Rey suggested.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Ben demanded.</p><p>“I mean we should go to your mother. She’s wanted you back for a very long time and she deserves to see you. And then you and I should find some quiet place to start over, like Han said. If everything he’s told us is right, the war is nearly over. Maybe the entire galaxy’s about to get a fresh start.”</p><p>Ben was incredulous. “And you don’t think I deserve punishment for the things I’ve done?”</p><p>Rey regarded him steadily. “I told you before, Ben. I don’t believe a person is only the worst thing they’ve ever done. I think you’ve gotten quite good enough at punishing yourself. I’m not sure how any of the things you mentioned are made better if you spend the rest of your life locked in a cell. But wouldn’t it be powerful to dedicate yourself to bringing more good into the universe than you brought evil? It seems to me that’s what the Force wants—balance, not vengeance.”</p><p>“I knew I liked her,” Han muttered to Chewie, who bellowed his agreement.</p><p>The signal indicating that they were about to drop out of hyperspace began to chime. Han motioned to Chewie to follow him to the cockpit. “We’re landing soon. You two talk it through some more. I’ll back you up with your mother, whatever you decide.” He patted Ben’s arm reassuringly.</p><p>Rey stood from the dejarik table and reached for Ben’s hand. “Show me your old room?”</p><p>He led her down a side corridor to the small compartment housing his childhood bunk. Rey peered around with interest, then tugged him inside and slid the door closed behind them. “Lie down with me,” she whispered.</p><p>As appealing as the idea was, Ben wrinkled his nose in distaste at the state of the room.</p><p>Rey laughed. “We slept on the floor of a literal cave.”</p><p>“And we both know which one was cleaner,” Ben retorted, but he crossed to the alcove holding the bunk. “I’m not sure we’ll both fit.”</p><p>She pressed a playful kiss to his neck. “I think we can figure it out.”</p><p>He climbed in first. Rey followed, molding herself around his body. It was warmer and darker in the shallow niche. Ben felt himself begin to relax for the first time since they fled Aeos.</p><p>“I’m trying to picture baby Ben, running around underfoot while the smugglers plan their next heist,” Rey snickered against his chest. “Or young serious Ben sitting on this bunk, determined to study and angry at Han for being so loud and distracting. Threatening to tell your mother all about his misdeeds.”</p><p>“I thought we agreed not to read each other’s minds without permission,” he teased, twisting a long curl of her hair around his finger.</p><p>“Maybe someday, other children will play in these rooms,” she said softly. Ben’s breath hitched. “I think Han would like that, don’t you?”</p><p>“Rey—” he began, but she touched a finger, feather-light, to his lips.</p><p>“Shhh.” She slipped her hand just under the hem of his shirt, lightly tracing the warm skin of his stomach. She pushed herself up on an elbow.</p><p>“On Jakku, no one ever had credits, so everything was about bartering. You had to be really clear and specific about what you were exchanging, so the other party couldn’t claim they were cheated. So I want to be very clear about what I want, and what I’m offering,” she said, leaning down to ghost her lips over the corner of his mouth.</p><p>“I want a life with you, Ben. We’ll find some hidden place. You can teach me how to meditate properly. Help me build a lightsaber. In return, I promise never to abandon you. I’ll hold you every night to keep the bad dreams away. I’ll be your family and you’ll be mine. Always.” She pulled his free hand to her stomach. “And someday, if we can, I’ll give you beautiful black-haired children who’ll make all the rocks in the garden float and drive us both mad with love.” She kissed away the tear that was running down Ben’s temple and into his hair. “What do you say? Do we have a bargain?”</p><p>“I’m not sure we’re the only ones who get a vote, sweetheart.”</p><p>She smiled brightly in the darkness. “I can be very persuasive.”</p><p>Ben nodded in agreement, pulling her down for a kiss.</p><p>“Someplace sunny,” he murmured against the bridge of her nose. “For the freckles.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My small contribution to quarantine entertainment.</p><p>Title comes from my favorite Rilke poem, "This is the Creature," which reminds me of Ben Solo--a character we never really got, so we have to imagine him into being.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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